I’m thinking that it’s always about ego, and this has helped me understand human nature better. Let’s look at that term, “human nature”, which can be rather egotistical, especially if we think we’re somehow more special than anything else. I’m not saying that I don’t value human life more than say, a tree, but therein lies a subtle truth. What I think will always be more important, at least to me. Maybe ego is a survival mechanism, because we probably wouldn’t be here if our ancestors hadn’t thought they were super-special. Is it just self-concept, self-importance, or self-absorption that I speak of? Is it just the workings of our minds and psyches? I’m not sure. It’s always the perspective that determines our perception.
I’ve been treating my own ego like it’s another “thing”, so my thoughts about myself are just that. My thoughts about other people are just that. Thoughts. It seems insensitive at first, and detached, but it’s actually been very calming. I guess the existential bit in all of this is that our egos will always fear the pointlessness of it all. The more conscious I become, the more aware I am of ego fears. The nice thing is that through fear lies freedom. I observe my ego at play. It’s always anxious in some way. I think I’m especially agitated (how’s that for ego). My ego loves to talk about itself. Lego my ego.
A lot of the existential angst I thought I had, has evaporated. There was nothing there at all, except an illusion, and a game.