Sometimes when I sit down to write, I have no idea what I’m going to write about, so sometimes I write about not knowing what to write about.
OK, I want to write about change and transformation, because I’ve always believed in improving myself, but I also know that making changes, even positive ones, isn’t the end all be all of life.
Self-improvement is a practice. Practicing can lead to mastery, so it can be said that self-improvement can lead to mastery of the self. Self-improvement may start out as a journey, the path may spiral upwards, the mountain may be climbed, profound changes may occur along the way. This “going on a great adventure” metaphor has been my privilege and experience in life, although most of it has taken place within.
Have I gotten better?
My mind looks for evidence that, yes, I’ve gotten better. The same mind then looks for more things to improve. Looked at in a certain way, this constant seeking and searching can cause a lot of distress. It may even be called an anxiety disorder.
It may be bold of me to say that anxiety is a beautiful thing. Depression is also beautiful. Moods and feelings are beautiful. Thoughts and ideas are beautiful. I’m grateful that I can see beauty in the challenges that I’ve worked so hard to overcome, because the truth is, I haven’t overcome any of them. I’ve used all manner of mind-tricks to outdo the mind. However, problems of the mind can’t be solved within the mind.
It’s more peaceful to observe the workings of the mind from a zoomed out perspective. From above, I’m fascinated by the labyrinthine mind structures. Energy waves of thought cascade through mental corridors. Worries rise out of the depths to have their moment of glory, passing by and leaving only space.
The journey transforms you even as you transform the journey. You realize it all happened in a moment. This moment was all there ever was, all there ever will be, all that there is.