Today, I learned that underneath all the determination and grit, behind all the clarity and confusion, there’s a lonely and scared twelve year old boy who desperately wants to be loved.
I think about the things he had to go through while growing up, the challenges he had to overcome while being an only child, how far he’s come since then, and I’m in awe of his courage, strength, and spirit.
And yet, despite his resilience, my twelve year old self is still a vulnerable child. In order to embrace this vulnerable part of myself, I needed to establish a relationship with my Soul, and align with my True Self.
Today, I was willing to put aside the usual defenses, and put my faith and trust in who I really am, and as I did, the emotions welled up from somewhere deep inside, and with them were flashbacks of a painful childhood. I didn’t fight it. There were tears of grief and sorrow. Tears for my lost childhood and lost innocence. Even through the pain, I knew that something was being purified. I reclaimed something of myself, a part of me that was hidden in the shadow of who I thought I needed to be.
Now I can finally stand up for myself, not out of anger or resentment, but out of integrity and purpose. I’ve tried to grow up, and tried not to grow up, but life has tempered me nonetheless, and I’m better for it.
image credit: Pixabay