This blog is called Getting Better, Man, and at the heart of it, my self-improvement is about being a strong, independent, and masculine man. That’s where my integrity and true north is to be found. Over the past week I’ve written down some heartfelt and often painful truths.
In order to build and live the life I dream about, I need to remember this motto: “I am completely independent of the good or the bad opinions of others.” I’ve finally had enough of letting my insecurities bully me around. Even as I type this, my hands shake with fear, but my heart, soul, and spirit gives me strength.
A huge midlife epiphany: the problem isn’t that I’m a selfish person, it’s that I’ve been insincere about *not* being a selfish person. For me, being inauthentic has hurt me more than being selfish.
I spent years trying to figure out what it means to be a man, looking for role models, reading books, watching movies, doing my best to have a successful relationship for 17 years. But things blew up, or they fizzled out, and now I’m looking back to see what I’ve learned, which is a lot. I made a shitload of mistakes, accomplished some amazing things, shed blood, sweat, tears and other fluids all so I could prove myself. Prove myself to whom and for what? Society? My parents? My girlfriend? My friends? Who knows. But I do know that I’m stronger now. I found out who I am, and I found my backbone. There’s the first part of my life in which I was trying to be a man, and now there’s this next part of my life, in which I shall go forth as a free-thinking individual. No more people-pleasing, no more approval seeking. I’m my own friend now, and it feels good, and it feels right.
I’m in the process of rebuilding my life so that I’m living as my authentic, genuine, and true self. I’ve been on this road of improving and learning to have confidence and trust in myself for most of my life. Much progress has been made, but now I’m taking a leap of faith to be who I really am. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.
This is who I aim to be.