Previously, I wrote about meeting my inner guide in a dream, and he looked like some kind of Buddhist/Zen master. After that dream, my inner guide disappeared for a while, but due to my relationship breaking up, I’ve been watching and studying a ton of material from life coaches like Leo Gura and Corey Wayne. As a result of this, my inner guide has made a comeback, but I’ve taken to calling and thinking of him as “Coach.” Whenever I’m confused about what to do, or I get frazzled and unsure of myself, I just talk to my “inner coach”, and it’s surprisingly enlightening and helpful. It’s like I’m having a conversation with my bigger/higher/truer self.
At first, I got somewhat depressed as I learned about all the challenges I needed to face, and all the ways I screwed up my relationship and other areas of my life. But today, as I was watching some more videos, something clicked inside. I finally got past the discouragement and saw the humor in my situation. It amazes me how ignorant I’ve been all this time, but you know, it’s not like I haven’t been practicing, researching, and studying self-improvement for all these years. I suppose things really do happen when they need to happen. At one point I had to ask out loud, “Why didn’t anyone tell me about this before?!”
Of course, the answer is that I wasn’t ready to hear it, and that just made me laugh and laugh out loud, and I’m still chuckling. Because you see, I finally internalized what it means to not give a fuck what people think of me. Deep down, I never have, but my problems with women was the last big hurdle I needed to overcome in my self-improvement, because I saw women as a source of acceptance and love, but now I’m able to give that to myself. Now I see why men and women behave the way they do, and it’s pretty fascinating stuff.
When you understand something, you no longer fear it.