Life is truly amazing, and will give back to you what you put into it. Some people say life isn’t fair, and if that’s what you believe, then life isn’t fair, but if you believe that life is infinitely fair, then you can figure out the best way to work with it. Life is a reflection of your attitude, intention, and orientation. There’s nothing that you do, that life doesn’t respond to in kind.
Something occurred today that shook me to my emotional core, which isn’t the first time that’s happened, but I’m very proud of myself for being able to find my alignment, balance, and center. As I’ve said before, and will continue to say, there’s true power in being aligned with your True Self, which is to say, having personal integrity.
As a man, I’m realizing that all I truly have in life is my personal integrity. I’ve tried so very hard to please others, probably harder than anyone you’ll ever meet, and I’ve had to live with the guilt and shame of that. 80% of everything that crosses my mind is approval seeking in nature, which I can tell by the anxiety and nausea I feel inside, but the 20% that’s my authentic, genuine, and true self grows stronger every day, and it burns brightly.
In becoming the great man that I know myself to be, I realize that I’m not losing anything from the past, that I’m never truly lost or alone, which was something I was afraid of. I was afraid of losing the people I loved and cared about if I became the best, most creative, fulfilled, and happiest person that I can be. I thought that I struggled with relationships, but now I realize that I have the ability to see through the false and manipulative tactics that people use on each other, and I know that it’s possible to go beyond that. My purpose is to be free, and when others see me – if they’re also free – they’ll recognize who I am, or they may want to be free themselves, or not.
I’m facing the biggest fears of my life right now, my biggest demons and dragons. I’ve faced them before, and I’ve climbed the mountain before, but now they’re out in full force. The difference this time is that I know who I am to the core, and at the core of my being is pure, unconditional love. I don’t need to fight the beasts of anxiety. I can take the high road and transcend the chaos.
I appreciate the emotional pain I’ve been feeling, because it makes me realize that what I’m experiencing right now is real. I’ll never forget this pain, which I’ve justly earned in order to be true to myself. As I face my worst fears – abandonment, loneliness, rejection, worthlessness – the paralyzing anxiety and cloud of despair can no longer hold me prisoner. It was my own fear of being free, of being powerful, of being great, that kept me in bondage. I thank every person, every step, every joyful and painful moment, because they all helped me to be free.