Sleepless in Austin

Nighttime has been the most challenging for me, because for many years I lived with my ex-girlfriend, and sometimes I find myself missing the physicality of human contact. Since I’m not working on anything, and I don’t want to, my mind begins to reminisce and get sentimental. It doesn’t help that my ex told me she’s been dating other guys, which really threw me for a loop, no matter how strong I tried to be.

I guess I am working on something by writing this article, but I felt inspired to because I was thinking about how my dream girl is out there somewhere, and all I have to do is believe that she wants to find me as much as I want to find her, and act the way I would if that were true, because it is.

I thought of my ex as my dream girl, and for all I know, maybe she still is, but I’m definitely going to respect myself by letting her be the one to pursue me if she wants to rekindle our romance, but if that doesn’t happen then it lets me know she wasn’t the one for me. She left me and started dating other guys, after all. I can at least have my dignity and self-respect.

This whole break-up experience has helped me to finally throw away my old people-pleasing ways, and has made me into a man. After being rejected by the woman I love, I really couldn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone’s opinion of me, which was the last piece of baggage I needed to let go of. Now I do things because I feel like it, I want to, or it’s aligned with my values, and not because I’m afraid of what someone else will think.

Tonight, I asked myself what I would do if I knew for sure that I had great friends and potential lovers out there just waiting for me to play with them. How would I feel? I’d feel excited and would look forward to hanging out with them. I’d feel confident about myself, and lighthearted about my life. I remember when I’ve felt like that before, when I expected to have fun, and by focusing on those good memories, I become what I think about.

I know that the best of friends and the best of times are out there waiting for me. As for my dream girl, this blog is one hell of an amazing personal ad, so I’ll be waiting sleepless in Austin.

~ GBM

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Published by

Sedone

Artist | Writer | Musician

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