Here I am, at the 500th GBM post. Whenever I reach the last page of a journal, I usually say some things to end that chapter of my life, and begin a new chapter, so I’ll take that approach with this article.
The most profound thing I can think of right now, which is to say, the most truthful, is that the quality of my relationships with others is proportional to the quality of my relationship with myself. In realizing this, a great burden has been lifted from my shoulders, yet it’s somewhat disorienting.
It’s interesting that I found it difficult to treat myself the way I would treat someone else. What if, rather than trying to please others, I pleased myself instead? I’m a person, too, after all. And when I find myself feeling the urge to be with someone else, it’s a reminder for me to be happy alone, first.
The other insight I have is about the tangled web regarding self-worth. Trying to find or prove your self-worth is like trying to untie the Gordian Knot. It’s a futile endeavor, and the more conditions you place upon your self-worth, the tighter the knot becomes. To solve the problem, you have to take self-worth out of the equation, which means not changing your behavior to please anyone else.
The key is to establish a standard for yourself, and live up to your own standards, and the key to that is to do what feels exciting, fun, good, interesting, natural, and right for you. Trying to live up to someone else’s standard is setting yourself up for failure, and using others so that you can be happy is denying your own freedom. “I am free, and know what’s right for me” has a nice ring to it.
There seems to be no end to the number of heartfelt things I can write about, but that’s the nature of digging for truth; it’s an eternal well. The next chapter of my life is about being cheerful, lighthearted, and enjoying myself. The clouds have lifted, the shadows have passed, and all I can feel is the warmth of my spirit.