The contrast between hard and soft is exciting and sensual, and part of being a gentleman is about having the right mixture of gentleness and masculinity. I’m not exactly sure what the right mixture is, but I do know that I’ve had to submit myself a lot these days, and rather than weakening me – which I was afraid of – it’s made me stronger and more flexible.
As I write this, I can hear loud arguing and yelling coming through the wall from my neighbors. My parents (my mom and dad before they got divorced) used to yell like that, and despite my best efforts, I ended up yelling like that with my ex-girlfriend. From what I’ve learned from metaphysical teachings, pushing against what I didn’t want brought more of it to me, so if I don’t want to argue, I need to embrace peace, not fight against fighting.
I don’t know everything there is to know about life, but I do know that in my deepest and darkest moments of despair, there really is something or someone there who loves me no matter what. Maybe it’s God, or my soul, or a survival mechanism, but I feel this love more and more, and when I do, there’s always a release of resistance. Now I don’t feel a need to try to be anything to anyone anymore. I let go of who I thought I was so that I can be who I truly am.