Today has been a bit of an emotional slog-fest, but I’m feeling better now. I’ve accomplished things, although I know it’s not about that (at least for me it isn’t). I’m aware of the part of me that wants approval and is affected by other people, or more accurately, my projections of them. The unhappiness I feel comes from comparing myself to others. That’s the sloggy part of the slog-fest.
I know it’s all about perception and momentum. My mind gets focused in a certain way, and off we go to the races. It can take several hours to slow down the momentum. I know that no matter how I may be thinking or feeling right now, there’s a purpose to what I’m experiencing. I can sense the big picture. It’s not about the things that are going on; it’s about what I think about the things that are going on that matters.
I’m working on my professional art site, which is part of the Vocation Life Area. That’s where a lot of the comparisons start popping up. I compare myself to other artists and their careers, and I can feel the negative judgments wanting to take over. I think about all the things I don’t have, or aren’t the way I want them to be right this minute, and I know that it’s counter-productive. Fortunately, self-improvement does work, so I’m able to be my own friend.