I continue to live from the inside out, which means being unconditional about feeling happy. I choose to feel happy because that’s what is natural to me. I used to have reasons for being happy, things that I had achieved which I used as justification for happiness, but that made me dependent upon them. Today, I accomplished things, but my happiness is completely free of needing anything to justify it. This is a bigger game that I’m playing.
Needing to justify our happiness keeps us stuck in an endless soul-sucking loop, and keeps us waiting for some illusory future when we can be happy. The truth is, if we used our personal power to choose to be happy now, a lot of the baggage we had been lugging around would fall away, but for whatever reason we hang onto it. Maybe it gives us a sense of security to hold onto outdated things.
I like that the emotional pain I feel keeps me honest with myself. I get nauseous whenever I resort to self-deception, and that’s a good thing. I used to binge drink until the hangovers got so painful that I finally stopped. Now I’m experiencing a similar thing with my ego. The person that I really am – my True Self – is unconditional, and every time I try to introduce a condition in order to prove my self-worth, I feel sick. My mind/body/spirit won’t abide by false conditions anymore.