As I write this, I notice the difference between enjoyment and effort. Enjoyment comes from the inside, effort comes from the outside. I also notice when my focus is going toward how something is missing, and I gently let that go. Another insight is that it’s not what I do that matters, it’s how I feel about what I do. This is the opposite of what I’ve been taught. Worrying about what I do only led to having anxiety, and having anxiety led to feeling depressed. Now that I care more about how I feel, I’m realizing who I truly am, and finding peace in the process.
I continue to be as much of an allower as I can. Sometimes I really understand the power of being an allower. It means allowing myself to be who I am, and allowing others to be who they are. Being an allower takes a kind of knowing and belief in the greatness and well-being of the universe.
My relatives and I cremated my uncle on Friday. I was one of the people who signed the release form. The feeling I have is that he found peace. I talk to him sometimes, and ask him for guidance. I don’t tell my relatives that I do that. I feel like more of who I am because of this experience. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve grown into a bigger version of myself. The kind of life I want to live, and the kind of person I want to be, means that I must allow myself to be who I truly am. It means letting go of limiting beliefs, and being at home wherever I find myself.