It’s interesting that my ex-girlfriend’s family, who I’ve long considered part of my family, are avoiding me. Although it can be painful, I’ve learned a lot about myself, other people, and life because of this experience. They used to introduce me as their son, and I took that to heart. I was with my ex for over 15 years, and of course, one of the main questions was “why aren’t you guys married?”
That’s a good question, actually. Obviously, on some level, we didn’t want to get married. I asked her to be engaged, but she didn’t seem that enthusiastic, which was one of several instances in which I wondered about how truly in love she was. Maybe I deceived myself, and made our relationship more than it was in reality. Which begs the question “why did she stay with me for so long?” I don’t know.
The truth is – and I don’t care if her or her family or anyone else cares about or believes this – is that I love my ex-girlfriend with all of my heart, and I love her family very much. In fact, I spent more time with them than my blood relatives, but I was torn between having a bright, shiny, and new life with my ex’s family, and reconciling the difficulties I had with my own.
Was there a better way for me to handle things? Maybe, but I know that I did my best. I understand the benefit of letting all of this go, but I need to say what’s in my heart, to show myself (at least) that I’m being sincere. I’ve reached out, and it’s up to them whether they want to accept me or not. I always do my best to look at things from their point of view.
I’ve always considered my ex’s feelings in everything we did together. Neither one of us were perfect, but I loved what we experienced. I would respond in a better way to certain things – being who I am now (which couldn’t be possible without our relationship in the first place) – but I don’t have regrets. Not getting married, not having kids, and my relationship with her family, was my way of showing love and respect for my ex.
I know that the best thing might be to let go and move on, and I’m doing that more and more.