Starting Over (Once Again)

I think sometimes it’s obvious, and sometimes not so obvious, that I’ve had a contrasting life, which is a more neutral way of saying I’ve experienced much inner and outer conflict. This has shaped me in many ways, and I’ve used it to create a life that’s uniquely mine. I’ve felt the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, so I know how I feel about things. I’ve had successes that blew my mind, and failed in ways that have confounded me. My thirties have been about gaining clarity.

I feel like I’m starting over once again. The journey of life isn’t a linear path, but rather a spiral. Like the song says; we’re running over the same old ground. There’s less fear this time around, and more peace; less pushing against, fighting for, and running from. There’s more Self, Spirit, Soul, and Source. There have been areas of my life which – for the life of me – used to put me in a tailspin, and you know, when I look around there are still things that just aren’t the way I want them to be, but I’m willing to keep an open mind, and work on improving them.

I’m not in a big hurry to get into another relationship. I’ve known about psychological complexes, and now I have a better understanding of them, and how to work with them. I like cultivating a healthy relationship with myself. The irony is that my new mental and emotional independence makes me more attractive to others, but when I was needing their attention it drove them away. I like that we live in a universe where ultimately we can’t lie to ourselves, and the energy we give off is returned to us. I think the main thing that’s different about starting over this time around is that I don’t feel the need to seek the approval of others – which came from a sense of alienation and loneliness – because now I have a relationship with my True Self.



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