I’m going to talk about some things that I know in order to gain more clarity. I know that I’ve taken the next steps forward in my life by applying for a job that isn’t art related. I’ve been carrying that decision around for a while.
Before I moved in with my mom, I’d applied for several minimum wage jobs, which showed how much I didn’t want to move in with her. As it turned out, I didn’t hear back from the jobs quickly enough, so I moved in with her out of necessity. I lined up (made peace) with that decision. I needed her help, and I also wanted to improve our relationship, and that’s been accomplished.
I know that I love my mom, and I appreciate her. I also know that I don’t agree with her attitudes and beliefs about things. In my opinion, her behavior is manipulative, passive-aggressive, and victimized. She worries, fusses, and complains in a way that I find distasteful. She complains to me about her husband, then kisses his ass when I don’t play along. Yuck. And he continues to be a semi-pathetic loser.
For the past several months, I’ve done my best to use all of my self-improvement skills, and I’m happy about what I’ve done. Whatever else I may be, I know that I’m sincere (the opposite of manipulative). If I sometimes resort to manipulative tactics, I can see where I picked that up from, and I prefer a better way of doing things. I’m glad that I can appreciate and receive help, and still maintain my integrity. Sometimes we sincerely need other people’s help, but that doesn’t mean we owe them anything.
I’ve grown so much in the past year. My life is completely different. I think I have a positive influence on the people I’m around. I see how things have improved for them, as well as for myself. I genuinely want people to do well; it’s inspiring. I genuinely dislike it when people are down on themselves, or pretend to be smaller than who they really are. I’ve learned how to be appreciative, without being a push-over, or a dumping ground for other people’s negativity. Now that I’ve applied for a job, energy is flowing into that area of my life.