I’m realizing that any situation that gets you to move in the right direction is a good thing, and how do you know what the right direction is? For me, there’s a sense of relief, and it feels better. There’s movement and energy in that area of life. You don’t feel stuck anymore, and there’s a growing sense of self-empowerment. That’s how I’m feeling after applying for another job today. That’s three different jobs in just as many days. I also have an illustration job that I’ve struggled with for the past couple of months, and I know that it has to do with my own internal conflict.
The internal conflict has to do with my beliefs, principles, and values. It also has to do with believing in myself, and being who I am. One of the more challenging things I’ve faced is allowing myself to do what’s right for me, and allowing others to do what’s right for them. It’s about being an independent and free person. I’ve already done that with friends and acquaintances, but now it’s my immediate family that I’m needing to detach myself (emotionally) from.
I don’t know how many times I went against myself in order to please someone else. Probably most of the time. There are reasons, justifications, and excuses as to why I would do that, but it doesn’t matter. I know better now, and I know that it feels better to follow my inner guidance, or at least, it feels worse to please others. If I can please others and do what’s right for me, then good, but my choice will always be to trust in myself.