For me, one of the trickier feelings that slips by my self-awareness is guilt. I’m better at detecting it now, and it feels icky. This is one of those traits that I can trace back to my mom, because she does the guilt-tripping pretty much unconsciously. I can feel it right now, somewhere in my solar plexus. When I think I’ve done the right thing, like standing up for myself, at some point I notice the guilty feelings starting to show up. It doesn’t bother me that much, just like people’s opinions don’t bother me that much anymore.
It helps when I talk to myself, and sometimes I talk to myself a lot. The guilt is essentially an internalized voice, so talking to yourself (especially out loud) in a self-empowering way really helps. I ask myself if my Inner Being (as Abraham calls it) thinks I should feel guilty, and the answer is always no. I think if the answer is ever “yes” then I’ll believe that I should feel guilty, but until then, I’ll believe my Inner Being.
Whenever I get nervous or afraid, it shows me how I have a choice whether I want to follow other people’s guidance, or choose to follow my own inner guidance. My inner guidance never leads me astray, and it always feels right. If I’m confused, it’s because I’m trying to follow someone else’s guidance, so it’s better to wait to receive my own guidance. Guilt is letting other people decide how you should feel.
I’ve been thinking about whether I should apologize or try to smooth over the big argument that happened, but my predominant feeling is no, unless it seems really fun and exciting, and I just can’t wait to do it.
On another note, here are some pictures from my day at the park: