I’m focused on embodying myself these days–really feeling what it means to be me–so I’m not trying to use my intellect to be happy. Intrinsic motivation is the only thing that’s truly fulfilling. Life flows into open spaces.
I’m enjoying art, writing, and music. There’s nothing for me to solve anymore. I’ve gone through the tough stuff, and now all I want to do is appreciate everything.
I know that whatever has gone away can be replaced by something greater. This is what it means to be a (better) man. That’s what it means to be human.
Enjoying a nice (and windy) day at the park.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Spring!
A while back, I wrote about how anxiety could be helpful in terms of becoming more mindful. I’ve been feeling more anxiety than I have in years, and I’ve needed to focus on being more mindful once again. It’s a useful mental skill to have.
I’ve noticed how, during my ecstatic and joyful moments, limiting beliefs and negative emotions show up right after (I used to call it being manic depressive, or bipolar, or whatever). My solution is to not pursue an escape route or run away from this familiar pattern. Being mindful of the pattern–without doing anything that will add to or take away from it–creates a third way; one that transcends the problem.
When we think of things in terms of duality, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to find a solution to the problem. However, what if the solution is already an inherent part of the problem, and our role is to simply find a third way? Sometimes it feels like we have to choose between the lesser of two evils, but this can be liberating, because we can take the magical door that appears when we finally say “fuck it.”
Perhaps it’s not a bad thing to form a callous over the heart; not to have a hardened heart, but one that can sustain us. A healthy and passionate heart is one that pulses with life, but not one that’s bleeding all over the place. A strong heart maintains integrity.
There’s an invisible wall between the mundane and the magical. The wall is a well placed illusion, and there’s a reason it’s a mystery (because you’re meant to find it for yourself).
The great treasure of life is true self-worth, and once it’s found, all lies dissolve.
We can call it giving up, retreating, or letting go, but maybe resigning is a more neutral term for withdrawing our energy from a futile endeavor. The anxiety and worry I’ve felt for as long as I’ve written this blog is like a fitfully sleeping dragon. The cycle of appeasement, in which I throw hapless victims into its hungry maw, is never ending.
Standing Our Ground
It is a process of letting go, of not trying to control the dragon of anxiety and worry. The dragon is obsessive, and the compulsion is to fight or flee. But what if we just stood our ground, and prove to ourselves (once and for all) that we won’t be burned by its flames?
Making the Unfamiliar Familiar
Anxiety and worry can become a habit, and habits can become our identity. The familiar way is to find the anxiety intolerable, while the unfamiliar is to be OK with it. So I don’t think anxiety and worry helps me, but I also don’t give it the power to hurt me, either.
After I finished my previous, rather plain looking journal, I decided to get something exceptionally nice this time around. It’s got a leather cover, and you can buy refills for it, which makes it a good value. Plus, it’s well-crafted and snazzy-looking.
I’ve become less sensitive to shocking situations. Of course, I’m still affected by them, but I’m able to remain optimistic in light of whatever is happening. I’ve learned from the teachings of Abraham to take the emotional hit, know that my desire’s been launched, and get myself in alignment with my new desire, which is in the direction of expansion and growth.
Rather than try to control things, which causes anxiety because there’s so many things outside of our control, the key is to train ourselves to be adaptable and capable. The Life Areas that I write about (and forms the backbone of this blog) are dynamic, in a state of continual change and evolution. The goal is to surf through the Life Areas and have fun when unexpected things inevitably occur.