Playing Roles

To be honest with you, in this life, I don’t know how to separate myself from the roles that I play. I also don’t know how to not play a role. For example, I don’t just write, but I’m playing the role of a writer.

Is there some holistic, penultimate, unifying person that I’m supposed to be? The Self? Maybe, but I’m not completely aware of it.

So I continue to play the various roles of my life, all the while being aware that I’m doing it. There’s someone there at the heart of the matter who feels like me, but he/she/it is invisible and often imperceptible.



Fleeting Nature


Being accepted and acknowledged by others feels good, but I’m realizing that it’s fleeting. This fleetingness applies to accepting and acknowledging ourselves, too. I still like it, but I’m aware of its fleeting nature.

I’ve been thinking about dissatisfaction, and conversely, satisfaction. There’s a satisfied/dissatisfied part of me which I’m aware of. This push and pull is powerful, and can sometimes feel overwhelming, but there’s an even more powerful force I consider unconditional love.

I’ve gone to great lengths to define things, to group them into concepts and ideas, which is fine in and of itself, but what I really like is feeling good, and I’m learning what that means, and how to experience it in a way that, ironically, feels good to me. It’s a process of harmonizing and unifying thoughts and emotions. I believe that feeling good is self-evident, which means it’s natural, obvious, and simple.


Being Tangible and Intangible


Self-improvement works, and there are reasons for doing it, but I already knew that. There are levels of self-improvement, and areas of focus. It can also be thought of as adapting, evolving, and growing.

It’s beneficial to focus on what’s improving, although what seems to be stuck can be attention-getting. What truly matters to me is my state of being. That’s my center.

Thoughts pass through my field of awareness, and these thought-formations make up the emotional climate of my mind. We are tangible and intangible. Life works through attraction, not control.


Thinking Heady Thoughts


My life is less conditional these days, and more unconditional. It feels like waking up. Being unconditional means I’m able to choose to be happy just because I like it (which is actually quite a good reason).

I wrote about resting the restless ego, and that’s like finding peace of mind. I’m thinking I’m not my thoughts (ironically). I’m the perceiver, and what I perceive, I think about, and maybe, as the perceiver, I’m also the perceived.

It’s these heady thoughts that I wake up to, juxtaposed by “baser” ones. I’m aware of my inner dichotomies (which I used to think more of as demons). My mind feels more harmonious, and I want that to be reflected in my life.


Doing Things for My Own Sake

I woke up today with the insight that I want to do things for my own sake. That’s what I want to be about, and I think it’s the most natural way to live.

I’m aware of excuses, blaming, and justifications, which are unnecessary. I’m also aware of “pushing against.”

For example, thinking or talking about what I don’t want, which brings more of it to me, and feels bad in the process. Of course, knowing what I don’t want helps me to know what I do want. The work is to consistently focus on what I want, or if I’m not doing that, to defocus my thoughts.


(Not) Arguing for Limitations

Have you ever argued for your limitations; blaming, complaining, giving excuses and justifying why you’re doing something, or why something is (or isn’t) happening the way it is? I know that I have, and continue to do so, and it can be exasperating. It seems like 80% of the thoughts that cross my mind are limiting beliefs, and they want me to argue for them. The thing about beliefs is that they seem real, otherwise they wouldn’t be beliefs.

Once you reach a certain point, it’s probably better to drop most of your beliefs – or preconceived notions – and look at the world through your own eyes, rather than through filters. Long held beliefs can turn into prejudices, biases, fears, limitations, and excuses, all of which weigh you down and distort your perception of reality. That’s one good thing about a shake-up in life; it makes all of the false premises come tumbling down.

I’m aware of and accept (and allow) that the process of letting go of limiting beliefs, or no longer arguing for my limitations, is a gradual, day to day practice. I realize that my mind can have a tendency to focus on the reasons why something won’t work, or can’t be that way, and I know that this is resistance to my personal power. I remind myself that anything is possible.


Emotions and Desire


The difference between night and day really is like night and day. In the morning, my level of optimism rises like the sun. I have to admit that writing about emotions all week has dramatically shifted my level of emotional awareness, plus it’s been fun. Today, I want to tie some of what I’ve been talking about together by discussing some powerful ideas I’ve realized over the years as it relates to emotions.

By now I think you can accept that everything is energy, but why do we have emotions? The simple yet profound answer is that there’s only one source energy, and this source energy came into being because of desire – which is also our desire since we come from the same source – and it’s our relationship to our desire that gives us the feeling of emotions. You might be wondering what the purpose of desire is, and my intuition tells me it’s for the development of consciousness. The universe wants to become conscious of itself, which is essentially the same desire that we, as humans, have. But that’s somewhat of another topic.

Some people say they don’t know what they want or desire, but really they do know what they want, because every cell in our body has a desire, and we’re constantly emitting our desire out into the universe. I think what happens is that we’re so used to hearing from people around us the sentiment of “I want this, but…” that we come to believe in limitations and powerlessness.

The belief that we want something, but (insert any ol’ limitation) is what gives us resistance to our desire, which feels bad, hence the term “what a drag.” We give the varying levels of resistance to our desire different names, depending on how resistant we are, with complete dis-empowerment and despair being at the very low end of the spectrum. On the other hand, if our belief is more like “I want this, and…” then we’re allowing our desire to flow, which feels like positive emotions.

It’s funny because we’re so conditioned to be afraid and believe in powerlessness that we almost immediately want to put limitations on not only our own desires, but other people’s, too. It’s the resistance to desire that’s actually the cause of negative emotions. It’s limiting beliefs which makes us think we need to compete against or hurt one another in order to get what we want. Think about it, the world is huge, and the universe is infinite, yet we squabble and bicker over space, resources, and even relationships. The solution is to become more conscious, which is what I believe is our true desire.

Emotions Week isn’t over yet, so I’ll write some more about emotions as inspiration strikes, but I think there’s some pretty good stuff to chew on in this article.