Flowing Life

goldpond

I’m focused on embodying myself these days–really feeling what it means to be me–so I’m not trying to use my intellect to be happy. Intrinsic motivation is the only thing that’s truly fulfilling. Life flows into open spaces.

Creative Trinity

I’m enjoying art, writing, and music. There’s nothing for me to solve anymore. I’ve gone through the tough stuff, and now all I want to do is appreciate everything.

Greatness

I know that whatever has gone away can be replaced by something greater. This is what it means to be a (better) man. That’s what it means to be human.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

Being a Man (and Having Integrity)

Self-improvement is more than just learning a bunch of concepts; it’s about living life to the fullest, and being true to yourself, which is to say, being who you are. When my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, I knew it wouldn’t be difficult for her to find another man to be with. A beautiful and intelligent woman has that kind of power. It made me think about why she decided to be with me in the first place, why she broke up with me, and what kind of power did I – as a man – have?

There are different kinds of power that a man can have: money, prestige, status, physical strength. There are also intangible powers like inner strength, integrity, principles, wits, charm, and passion that I believe are just as important, if not more so. Self-improvement is about developing these powers, and I’ve dedicated myself to doing that.

I see that my greatest strength in regards to being a man – and having my ex break up with me (and seeing her with another man) – is that I lived by my values and principles while being with her, and I continue to do so without her. I’m definitely not a stick-in-the-mud kinda guy, or a goody-goody, but I have personal integrity. A man is nothing without his integrity.

~ GBM

Sleepless in Austin

Nighttime has been the most challenging for me, because for many years I lived with my ex-girlfriend, and sometimes I find myself missing the physicality of human contact. Since I’m not working on anything, and I don’t want to, my mind begins to reminisce and get sentimental. It doesn’t help that my ex told me she’s been dating other guys, which really threw me for a loop, no matter how strong I tried to be.

I guess I am working on something by writing this article, but I felt inspired to because I was thinking about how my dream girl is out there somewhere, and all I have to do is believe that she wants to find me as much as I want to find her, and act the way I would if that were true, because it is.

I thought of my ex as my dream girl, and for all I know, maybe she still is, but I’m definitely going to respect myself by letting her be the one to pursue me if she wants to rekindle our romance, but if that doesn’t happen then it lets me know she wasn’t the one for me. She left me and started dating other guys, after all. I can at least have my dignity and self-respect.

This whole break-up experience has helped me to finally throw away my old people-pleasing ways, and has made me into a man. After being rejected by the woman I love, I really couldn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone’s opinion of me, which was the last piece of baggage I needed to let go of. Now I do things because I feel like it, I want to, or it’s aligned with my values, and not because I’m afraid of what someone else will think.

Tonight, I asked myself what I would do if I knew for sure that I had great friends and potential lovers out there just waiting for me to play with them. How would I feel? I’d feel excited and would look forward to hanging out with them. I’d feel confident about myself, and lighthearted about my life. I remember when I’ve felt like that before, when I expected to have fun, and by focusing on those good memories, I become what I think about.

I know that the best of friends and the best of times are out there waiting for me. As for my dream girl, this blog is one hell of an amazing personal ad, so I’ll be waiting sleepless in Austin.

~ GBM

Knowing Your Value

I continue to realize important personal truths as I become more aligned with my True Self.

Today, as I was taking a break from painting, I watched yet another relationship advice video; one of many that I’ve watched over the past few months. I realized I’d made a breakthrough when I stopped the video halfway and had this powerful surge of irritation at the whole topic of relationships, threw my hands up in the air, and laughed out loud at the whole stupid thing. I might have yelled something to the effect of “who gives a flying fuck?!”

A lot of the videos I’ve watched are about guys who got dumped by their girlfriends, and are now either trying to get them back, or figure out what they did wrong. There are all these different strategies and ideas about how to attract and woo women, and don’t get me wrong, I’m all about improving yourself and doing better, but as a man, you eventually reach a point where you have to say Jesus Christ, who cares! I’m a hopeful romantic at heart, but even I have my limits.

This is my realization: anything that can be taken away from you was never yours to begin with, be it love, money, possessions, relationships, or anything else. Anything that can’t be taken away from you is yours by right. I have my values, integrity, creativity, intelligence, wit, charm, and lots of other things that aren’t contingent upon what someone else is going to do.

I still have a dream and vision about being with my perfect girl, and living happily ever after with her. I don’t fall in love lightly, and I don’t fall out of love easily. I don’t like to let go of something until I truly see that it’s not serving me.

I’m done pursuing my ex-girlfriend. She can pursue me if she wants to, and if it feels good for me to be with her, then I’ll be with her. I think she’s an amazing woman, and I love her very much, and any guy that gets to be with her is incredibly lucky, but there’s nothing worse for a man’s self-esteem than trying to convince a woman of his value. I’m sick and tired of acting like a beggar. I know my value, and I’m going to live like I know it.

~ GBM

Thanks for Everything

Life is truly amazing, and will give back to you what you put into it. Some people say life isn’t fair, and if that’s what you believe, then life isn’t fair, but if you believe that life is infinitely fair, then you can figure out the best way to work with it. Life is a reflection of your attitude, intention, and orientation. There’s nothing that you do, that life doesn’t respond to in kind.

Something occurred today that shook me to my emotional core, which isn’t the first time that’s happened, but I’m very proud of myself for being able to find my alignment, balance, and center. As I’ve said before, and will continue to say, there’s true power in being aligned with your True Self, which is to say, having personal integrity.

As a man, I’m realizing that all I truly have in life is my personal integrity. I’ve tried so very hard to please others, probably harder than anyone you’ll ever meet, and I’ve had to live with the guilt and shame of that. 80% of everything that crosses my mind is approval seeking in nature, which I can tell by the anxiety and nausea I feel inside, but the 20% that’s my authentic, genuine, and true self grows stronger every day, and it burns brightly.

In becoming the great man that I know myself to be, I realize that I’m not losing anything from the past, that I’m never truly lost or alone, which was something I was afraid of. I was afraid of losing the people I loved and cared about if I became the best, most creative, fulfilled, and happiest person that I can be. I thought that I struggled with relationships, but now I realize that I have the ability to see through the false and manipulative tactics that people use on each other, and I know that it’s possible to go beyond that. My purpose is to be free, and when others see me – if they’re also free – they’ll recognize who I am, or they may want to be free themselves, or not.

I’m facing the biggest fears of my life right now, my biggest demons and dragons. I’ve faced them before, and I’ve climbed the mountain before, but now they’re out in full force. The difference this time is that I know who I am to the core, and at the core of my being is pure, unconditional love. I don’t need to fight the beasts of anxiety. I can take the high road and transcend the chaos.

I appreciate the emotional pain I’ve been feeling, because it makes me realize that what I’m experiencing right now is real. I’ll never forget this pain, which I’ve justly earned in order to be true to myself. As I face my worst fears – abandonment, loneliness, rejection, worthlessness – the paralyzing anxiety and cloud of despair can no longer hold me prisoner. It was my own fear of being free, of being powerful, of being great, that kept me in bondage. I thank every person, every step, every joyful and painful moment, because they all helped me to be free.

~ GBM

Head in the Clouds

head-in-the-clouds

Self-improvement can be strange. One moment I feel like I’ve finally got myself figured out, another moment it’s like I’m looking at someone else. By its very nature, self-improvement implies that you’re wanting to improve something about yourself or your situation, which is a noble goal.

Some people want to quibble over the use of the term “self-improvement”, and while I’ve given it some thought, I don’t really care to argue semantics. The important thing is that I knew there were fundamental changes I wanted to make in my life, and I took that first step of a thousand miles.

I find myself in an interesting place these days. My dreams are coming true, yet there are times when I feel somewhat sad, partly because I want to have certain people in my life, yet the more authentic I become, the more they seem to go away. I know this isn’t necessarily true. It’s actually a time of transition. My world is changing from one of in-authenticity to one of authenticity, so whatever and whomever remains or is attracted to me will be authentic.

In some ways my reality has been turned upside down and inside out. I want to be a strong and independent man – calm, cool, confident – which is part of my quest for self-improvement, and yet that means becoming a bigger and greater version of myself than I’m used to. It feels empowering, but also peculiar. I like it, though.

All in all, things are getting better, man.

~ GBM

GBM Podcast Episode 5 (Video Edition)

In this episode of the GBM Podcast, I take you along with me on my walking meditation, and share my thoughts on life.