The treasure I seek is self-realization, but the great fear I have is letting go of the belief that I have to do something, that I have to prove my worth, or be somebody. It’s a paradox. The more I try to be who I am, the more I can’t be who I am.
What if we accepted that everything is unfolding perfectly? That it has always unfolded perfectly, and will always unfold perfectly. There’s a part of me that’s terrified to accept that–recoils at the thought–and yet it’s a deep understanding and key to the universe.
Where does meaningfulness come from? I don’t know, but I know it’s something we can feel. Our own unique path will always feel meaningful to us.
We are all destined to realize our true self-worth, one way or the other. It’s not so much a calling as an inexorable pull. To the extent that we resist the pull of our true self, we are unhappy.
Letting go can be difficult because it can feel like a sacrifice. Sometimes we think we’re sacrificing, but we’re not. A true sacrifice usually has to do with the death of a dearly held belief, and most of us hate to be wrong.
It’s challenging to be unflinchingly honest with ourselves. There are so many ways we can be diverted from really getting to the heart of the matter. I continue to write, because this is my bastion of peace, and oasis of truth.
A while back, I wrote about how anxiety could be helpful in terms of becoming more mindful. I’ve been feeling more anxiety than I have in years, and I’ve needed to focus on being more mindful once again. It’s a useful mental skill to have.
I’ve noticed how, during my ecstatic and joyful moments, limiting beliefs and negative emotions show up right after (I used to call it being manic depressive, or bipolar, or whatever). My solution is to not pursue an escape route or run away from this familiar pattern. Being mindful of the pattern–without doing anything that will add to or take away from it–creates a third way; one that transcends the problem.
When we think of things in terms of duality, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to find a solution to the problem. However, what if the solution is already an inherent part of the problem, and our role is to simply find a third way? Sometimes it feels like we have to choose between the lesser of two evils, but this can be liberating, because we can take the magical door that appears when we finally say “fuck it.”
I’m writing this in my new home, and what an amazing and incredible journey it’s been for me to get here. It goes to show how a seemingly common and mundane experience like getting an apartment can turn out to be a life altering adventure. Not only do I feel like I finally have a home, but I also feel appreciative and proud of myself.
I believe that the way we experience life is a product of our beliefs. It doesn’t matter how we came by the beliefs we have. What matters is that we have the ability to choose better beliefs.
A couple of years ago, I was at the lowest point of my life in almost every way, but I kept writing and sharing my experiences in the most positive way I could muster. That was my grace under fire and dark night of the soul rolled into one enchilada moment. In any case, I have to believe that good people win in the end.
I cleaned up part of the shop; a small yet vital task. It felt like the right thing to do. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m good at improving things.
My belief is that whenever I want to blame (or give credit or power to) something outside of myself, it’s because I want to express something about who I truly am, but for the time being, I don’t know how, and that’s frustrating. So it’s a matter of figuring out who I am, and being it. When you can sincerely say that you don’t mind what people think of you (because you’d rather be happy than accepted), then life becomes real (fun).
I know that I’ve done the right thing in the past, and I’m doing the right thing now, because that’s important. I know when something feels right to me, or when it doesn’t sit right with me. I’m choosing to trust my Inner Guidance.
One of the main themes of my life is standing up for myself. I really let my dad know where I stood today, and I’m proud of myself for doing it. I’m happy to be my own friend in this, as well as other things.
I have certain principles I live by, and a keen sense of personal integrity. I think deeply about what I believe in, and I live by that. At the same time, my beliefs have been clarified and refined through the living of life.
I live a happy and successful life by my own standards. I choose to do things based upon joy, not fear. I’m also not here to fight other people’s battles.
Of all the things I can choose to write about, I choose love. Love for myself, my family, my world, and my Source. Love melts the ice around my heart.
I realize that the things I’ve done, and the choices I continue to make, are sincere. That doesn’t make me or anyone else wrong or right. There’s real, true power in sincerity.
I’ve said before that spirituality is either true or it isn’t, which means that either I create my own reality or someone else does. I’m able to choose to align with my True Self, and that’s what I believe in. Humility, gentleness, and modesty coexists with greatness.