Rediscovering Fun

I’m rediscovering fun; things like watching movies, listening to music, painting, and writing. It used to be easy, but now it feels like I have to learn how to do it all over again. These days, everything seems to trigger bad memories; even good ones can turn bad on a dime.

I can feel the resistance – the blocks, the obstacles, the anxiety, the depression, the antagonism – but I choose to no longer fight with myself. Instead, I’m there for myself no matter what; something that was missing before. Now I’m taking responsibility for my own happiness.

Because I’m watching more movies, I’m seeing my life as a story (even more so than usual). Dreams I’ve had since I was a kid are starting to come true. Now it’s that part in the movie where the main character has to take a leap of faith.

Simcerely,

G.B.M.

Keeping (Myself) Honest

It’s another wake up from a dream at 3am (technically 2) kind of night. I did my usual things, and also having a – the more things change, the more they stay the same – kind of moment.

As I was browsing through some older entries, I reminisced about the ups and downs of life, how people have come and gone, yet here I am still writing on my blog. I think of it as keeping myself honest.

I’m not one to dish out advice. I have a hard enough time taking my own. I believe in figuring out my own path and letting others figure out theirs.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

Taking Small Steps

Sometimes it can be frustrating to take small steps after what seems like more than enough time and effort was put into something, but that’s the true work.

Even after all these years I find myself taking small steps; one letter at a time, one word after another, one sentence following the next until paragraphs are formed.

My sense of self has never been stable, and what I know about myself is that I’m constantly changing, but there is a center of gravity.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

Having Boundaries

compass

I’ve got my trusty mariner’s compass amulet (which is actually a defunct refrigerator magnet) by my side. I’m still “recovering”, you could say, from yesterday’s publication of my audio journal. It happened rather spontaneously, and shifted me emotionally. I couldn’t say those things and share it with the world if I wasn’t ready to change.

Strengthening Boundaries

It’s important for me to think about personal boundaries, and enforce them. I have to do that for myself. There’s a feeling of guilt when I do, but that’s a weakness that I want to strengthen. Not all ego is bad, but a weak ego is, in fact, a weakness, and weaknesses get exploited.

My weakness is in having and preserving personal boundaries. I respect other people’s boundaries and my own. I think it can be a win-win, but from now on I won’t be on the losing end of having boundaries.

Physical Boundaries

These boundaries are mostly internal, but they’re also physical, too. I think physically you can be flexible, because we all share this world, but use common sense.

It’s good to earn and have money so you don’t owe people financially, or feel like you have to weaken your physical boundaries because of money. With money, you can take up space in the world. Again, use common sense, but don’t be intimidated, either.

Emotional Boundaries

There are also emotional boundaries. You can’t let your good feelings be based upon external conditions, or you’ll be a slave to those conditions. You can cultivate and appreciate external things, but never let your happiness be based upon them.

I’m actually OK with not needing to have a lot of possessions, although I’m moving towards manifesting more physical things and situations that I enjoy. However, I can get attached to relationships, or to people’s good opinions, and much of my self-improvement is about unhooking from external validation.

Mental Boundaries

Mental boundaries are your principles, beliefs, and values. Deep down, you know what you’re about, and you know how to think for yourself, so you need to do that.

Think for yourself! Don’t let others tell you what to think about anything. Observe and find out for yourself. Figure yourself out. Define who you are.

Some people will try to control you with words, comments, opinions, and facts. You need to have your own repertoire of words, comments, opinions, and facts.

Nobody knows it all, and if someone acts like they do, don’t believe them. Learn from those who have ideas that resonate with your whole self.

Spiritual Boundaries

Speaking of self (which is what I consider the True Self), your spiritual boundaries are sacred and impervious to harm.

Don’t ever let anything get in the way of you and your True Self. Your True Self is the God within you, a part of the Source of all that is.

Without this connection, there will always be someone who thinks they’re more powerful than you, or that you owe them something, but if you know that you have a direct connection to your Source, you are invincible.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

Wanting to Change

bigsky

On the journey of self-improvement (it’s a journey not a destination), you never know what’s going to be a profoundly transformative experience. Right now, my big transformation is letting go of living up to my parents’ expectations, which ultimately is what letting go of approval seeking is all about. There’s a feeling of grief and sadness in saying goodbye to an old version of myself.

Preparing

Much of self-improvement is preparation. You prepare yourself–spirit, thoughts, emotions, body–for that moment when something ignites your soul on fire. While it’s exhilarating to expand into a greater version of yourself, there must be a cooling down period in which things must reform.

Changing

We can never go back to the way things were, but sometimes we want to. When we can stop wanting to go back, then we can truly go forward. We have to want to change before it can happen.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

Being Optimistic

newjournal

After I finished my previous, rather plain looking journal, I decided to get something exceptionally nice this time around. It’s got a leather cover, and you can buy refills for it, which makes it a good value. Plus, it’s well-crafted and snazzy-looking.

Alignment

I’ve become less sensitive to shocking situations. Of course, I’m still affected by them, but I’m able to remain optimistic in light of whatever is happening. I’ve learned from the teachings of Abraham to take the emotional hit, know that my desire’s been launched, and get myself in alignment with my new desire, which is in the direction of expansion and growth.

The Unexpected

Rather than try to control things, which causes anxiety because there’s so many things outside of our control, the key is to train ourselves to be adaptable and capable. The Life Areas that I write about (and forms the backbone of this blog) are dynamic, in a state of continual change and evolution. The goal is to surf through the Life Areas and have fun when unexpected things inevitably occur.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.