You can find me on Instagram @sedone
You can find me on Instagram @sedone
The death of my uncle over a year ago was also a new lease on life between my dad and me. Another one of my uncles died recently, and that had the opposite effect. It was the end of my dealings with my dad.
It seems like one of the reasons we resist truly changing is that it feels like the death of who we think we are. Sometimes it has to become so unbearable to be our false self, that we finally decide to change (for the better). There’s a grieving and mourning process involved when we change.
Life and death are lovers. Their eternal dance perpetuates our existence. They are not so separate, after all.
I think life is about self-discovery; we discover ourselves through our experiences and interactions with others, the world, and ultimately our Self. I’ve discovered that I thrive on relationships, but rather than be emotionally dependent on external relationships, I’m sustained by the relationships I have within myself. It’s like having an inner kingdom.
My great wish is for love to matter and that sincerity counts. I want the love I feel inside to manifest on the outside. I want my thoughts, words, and actions to come from the heart.
There’s life and death, but really there’s just life…or just death. There’s also the middle way, which just is. I choose this timeless path.
There were three kittens that brought the shop cats count to 17, but two of them disappeared, and the last one hasn’t been seen either. When I first got to the shop, an orange kitten was taken away by a raccoon. It’s all part of the ecosystem here at the shop.
Things continue to change, shift, and transform, which can also be thought of as the death of old ways. Change can feel like an out-of-body, surreal kind of experience. In any case, I’m committed to working on inner transformation.
It rained again today.
I learned that my ex-girlfriend’s dad died this week, and it shook me up. I also learned that she has a new boyfriend, and is moving to another state; more changes and doors closing and opening.
I reached out to her family, and I’m glad that some of them responded. She’s still not responding to my messages, but I know that she’s facing a challenging situation, and I love her no matter what paths we take through life.
I met my ex’s dad a few times, and if I could go back, I would have gotten to know him better. He could have been my father-in-law, but things didn’t work out that way. He gave my ex and I money on several occasions when we needed it, and I appreciate that. I also appreciate being able to spend time with my own dad.
I could go out drinking with my cousin for her birthday, but I’m choosing to stay home and finish up a painting for a client. My work has been delayed because of my uncle’s funeral – and I haven’t mentioned it here – but another one of my uncles died this week. This time it was my mom’s brother (the other one was my dad’s).
Two uncles passing away in one month makes me wonder. I drew the Death tarot card this week, and I usually don’t think of it as a physical death, but this time it was. There has also been a passing away of other things in my life, too.
Something that happens after I post an article is that I’ll feel euphoric, but then self-doubt can set in. I’ve gotten used to this effect for the most part. In order to write or paint effectively, I need to be in alignment, and once you know what it’s like to be your greater self, the complaining and blameful version of yourself can be a drag.
The painting I’m working on has been a struggle (with all of the dying), but now I’m making progress. I’ll be at it all night, and to keep myself company, I may just go on a posting spree, and by “spree” I mean one or more posts.