I’ve just had a realization about most of the relationships I’ve experienced so far, and why I’ve often struggled with them. I’m deeply honest and sincere, and while that may seem like a virtue, in many relationships (that I’ve experienced) that’s actually something people are afraid of. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong for me to be sincere, but that I’m just not around like-minded (or ‘like-hearted’) people.
For example, I understand that people are going to be self-interested; I believe in that, actually. However, let’s say someone in a (romantic) relationship with me says they would be happier by ending the relationship–I genuinely support that–but what I don’t support is not being honest and up-front about it, and basically making me the bad guy in order to have an excuse to break up. Or maybe someone is talking about improving their life in some way; I wholeheartedly care and want them to do it, and I want to support them in whatever way I’m able to.
What I don’t like (or understand) is when I’m talking about improving my life–or being honest and sincere with someone–and I’m met with disinterest, falseness, or even passive-aggressiveness. Because I very much want to get along with people, I used to contort myself in all sorts of ways that ultimately left me feeling depressed. Now, instead of beating up and betraying myself, I choose to stand by my values and attract people who value the same things as I do.
There are people who—from a societal standpoint–have more of an obligation to be responsible to their family than me, but they simply don’t care (or let it bog them down) and go about their merry way. On the other hand, as an only child, I’ve felt overly responsible for the happiness of my family, which, of course, happens to be me and my parents. I now realize that I don’t have to be that way, and I can just as easily do whatever I want.
It’s been such a struggle for me to be my own person that I chalk it up to paying off karmic debt. How do I know that I’ve paid off my karmic debt? I don’t feel guilty anymore, and in fact, I’ve replaced any feeling of guilt with anger, which feels a lot better than depression.
Emotional well-being, mental health, and self-improvement is a daily job. Being happy is intrinsically rewarding, and we all deserve to be happy.
I deserve to be a happy.
In this episode of the GBM audio journal/radio show I talk about self-improvement (as usual), being neurotic, having self-confidence, being free of depression, and other life stuff.
It’s been so long since I’ve thought of myself as an anxious person, that it took me quite by surprise to realize I felt anxious.
- Changes at work.
- Applying for new jobs.
Check, check, and check.
Anxietyville, here I come.
But for me, anxiety always brings along its friend aka depression aka Mr. Doldrums.
Being a Warrior (not a worrier)
Adversity can bring out the warrior within. My sub-personalities are a raucous bunch, but in more recent times a new archetype has emerged; the inner warrior. Things don’t have to be certain when we have courage.
The way that my life is right now lets me see that I can adapt to any situation, and the important thing is that I can do that while still being me. Nothing and no one defines me as much as I define myself. It’s up to me how I choose to define things.
Sometimes I choose to let people say whatever they say because I’d rather focus on things I’d rather focus on. Sometimes I prefer to keep my own company. Sometimes I’d rather say nothing.
I like myself these days. I like being free of anxiety and depression. I like writing, and I like that people read what I write.
I’m taking this opportunity to gain unprecedented personal clarity and understanding of myself. I’m aware of a pattern of thinking that – if I were to see it clearly – would shift me into a whole new way of life. The old way of thinking was responsible for the anxiety and depression I’ve experienced over the years, at least the perpetuation of it. I’m feeling the depression now, but the difference is that I’m much more aware of what’s going on. I could treat the symptoms – which is what I initially used self-improvement for – but I can also get right to the heart of the matter.
It really has to do with choosing to be conditional vs. unconditional, and it applies to both positive and negative conditions. The insight I’m receiving is that unconditionality (a word that’s not in the dictionary) isn’t the opposite of conditionality. The duality exists between wanted and unwanted conditions. Being unconditional is the third option; the middle way, and it’s actually the way out.
Anxiety and depression isn’t magic, it’s not a curse, and it’s not a life sentence. It’s a condition, a pattern of thought, energetic and vibrational like everything else. By paying attention to it, and reacting to it, we keep it alive; in society and in ourselves. The heart of the matter is that conditions don’t matter, and they can’t matter if we want to be free; the creators of our reality.
I choose to be unconditional in regards to anxiety and depression. I withdraw my personal identification from it. I choose to identify and align with my True Self.
HEN stands for Hygiene/Exercise/Nutrition, and it’s a mnemonic I use whenever I’m really focused on something, but I still want to tend to my basic bodily needs. Think of it as the GBM workout plan – and although it’s incredibly simple – therein lies its genius (and effectiveness). For the Body Life Area, I decided that HEN was the most basic element. From there, I picked an activity that would be easy to accomplish whenever I didn’t feel like tending to the HEN.
The reason this is effective (and sometimes necessary) is because of ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts). Despite all the self-improvement, sometimes you just have ANTs in your day, and like real ants, you can get overwhelmed by the sheer number of them. When that happens, it’s difficult to want to do, or enjoy, even the most basic activities. So the idea is to think of your HEN, and go from there.
- Some basic activities for Hygiene is washing your face, brushing your teeth, and taking a shower. If I feel strong resistance to doing any of these things because of ANTs, I focus on one of them – usually brushing my teeth – eventually I do it, and get a sense of accomplishment (and a brighter smile).
- For exercise, my activity is to do some Life Force Yoga. Just pick something basic and short to get your body moving. It works!
- Nutrition is kick-started by drinking a big glass of water.
This is only necessary when the pull of inertia is particularly strong that day. Sometimes I get very focused on what I’m doing, and I don’t feel like doing anything else. This is a way for me to turn the tide. I used to write more often about overcoming things like anxiety and depression, but these days I’m practicing being unconditional, and that allows me to use non-resistance against resistance.
So if you’re feeling stuck, remember to tend to the HEN.