I’m rediscovering fun; things like watching movies, listening to music, painting, and writing. It used to be easy, but now it feels like I have to learn how to do it all over again. These days, everything seems to trigger bad memories; even good ones can turn bad on a dime.
I can feel the resistance – the blocks, the obstacles, the anxiety, the depression, the antagonism – but I choose to no longer fight with myself. Instead, I’m there for myself no matter what; something that was missing before. Now I’m taking responsibility for my own happiness.
Because I’m watching more movies, I’m seeing my life as a story (even more so than usual). Dreams I’ve had since I was a kid are starting to come true. Now it’s that part in the movie where the main character has to take a leap of faith.
It’s another wake up from a dream at 3am (technically 2) kind of night. I did my usual things, and also having a – the more things change, the more they stay the same – kind of moment.
As I was browsing through some older entries, I reminisced about the ups and downs of life, how people have come and gone, yet here I am still writing on my blog. I think of it as keeping myself honest.
I’m not one to dish out advice. I have a hard enough time taking my own. I believe in figuring out my own path and letting others figure out theirs.
I woke up from yet another dream at 3am, which tends to happen when I’m going through big changes in my life. In my dream, I literally had a phone call that woke me up. My mind’s a prankster.
As I’m thumb typing this post – about to go back to sleep – I’m conscious of wanting to be less conscious. What I mean is that I associate dreaming with my subconscious (whatever that is). I want to write this from a spontaneous place.
“Through thick and thin” is a sentiment that’s important to me, but instead of applying it to other people, I’m applying it to my relationship with myself.
I woke up from a dramatic dream at 3am and consulted the I Ching about its meaning. That led to several more questions, and the answers had to do with blocking my own progress, needing to maintain equilibrium, being impartial, and prioritizing. I want to make myself, my life, and my work a top priority.
Things have shifted on a deep level. It’s easy to lose focus, so focusing needs to become a habit. It’s all about priorities.
Pretty much all I do these days is a way for me to focus on making myself a priority. Stop putting others first to the detriment of my own life. I’m learning to value myself in a healthy way.
I dreamt that I was in a dark pool of water and was trying to put a snake inside a bag, but it got free and started swimming after me, at which point I woke up with a start.
I found some interesting information about the symbolism of the snake at the site below:
As a person who naturally sees the good in everyone, one of the hardest things for me to realize is that some people just aren’t that good, or at least not good for me (which is the only thing I can honestly judge). I know this intellectually, but feelings of guilt sometimes threaten to overwhelm me.
I’ve faced these inner demons before, and continue to face them, and I’m much stronger and healthier now.
A very early good morning to you all. I’m back from my night shift job. As usual, I feel cheerful and proud of myself.
I’m proud that I’m true to myself even though circumstances continually change. Even my understanding of what it means to be true to myself changes. I’ve never been able to limit being who I truly am.
There’s a spiritual way of experiencing life, and it takes an awareness and appreciation of the intangible, which really isn’t that strange. When I create art or write stories, it starts out as intangible thoughts and ideas. What we experience as life can also start out as a dream.
I dreamt about living and working with my dad years before it happened. If I’m honest, it was something I resisted; as much as I’ve ever resisted anything. This can be said of many things in my life.
Sometimes all I’ve got is respect, however begrudging, for whatever inner resistance there is within me. Maybe it serves a purpose; perhaps even a good one. I told my dad earlier that my truest joy comes from alignment with my True Self, and although I didn’t say it in those exact words, it’s what I meant.
Appreciation leads to contentment. The state of equanimity and contentment is a personal choice. Whatever we push against pushes back, so I choose the middle path.