A rather stunning revelation I’ve had is that I don’t treat myself fairly…at all. Well, I’ve suspected it for a while, but these days I’m really onto it. Some of the most revealing insights come to us as we’re waking up.
Crossing the Threshold
I believe in the Hero’s Journey, and right now it feels like I’m crossing the threshold. Things have happened in such a way that I can never go back to who I thought I was. Being free is completely exciting and terrifying in turns.
Why can I be so passionate about other people, so eager to please, but feel so cold and negligent towards myself? I’m not letting myself off the hook until I can truly answer the question. Layers of illusions peel away when we fearlessly get to the heart of the matter.
Work has picked up at the shop after several weeks of nothing. I’m taking a break, and Shorty stopped by. She likes to hang out while I work.
After years of self-improvement, I’m able to observe the thoughts and emotions going on in my mind. I guess that is my mind. The person doing the observing is part of who I am, but so is the persona I present to the world.
What my ego wants to know is what’s in it for me, which is like asking the value and worthwhileness of what I’m doing. That’s a legitimate question, and deserves a full disclosure of oneself to oneself. I choose to treat myself in a fair and honest way.
Sometimes the self-talk can be quite negative and tiring, like yesterday. I feel better now, though. I work on being positive and more objective about things.
I’ve gone from accepting how things have turned out, to actually being proud of it. There are moments of real clarity. I choose to be self-reliant.
I’m dedicated to being fair to myself, and being my own friend.
I’m negotiating with myself, which I’ve dubbed “megotiating.” I’m telling myself that my intention isn’t to deprive “me” of anything, but rather it’s to enhance, magnify, and make great whatever it is I’m wanting to do. This is a way for me to think ahead carefully before putting my plans into action.
There’s a part of me that’s high minded and wise, and another part that’s rebellious by nature, and I want these parts of me to work together harmoniously.
Instead of having inner conflict, I want to allow everything to be open for discussion. This is a way for me to be honest and fair with myself.