Sometimes the best thing to do is stand up for yourself. Part of being a good person is being your own person. Whatever fears you may face is ultimately worth it to be free.
I haven’t solved all of the problems of life. I haven’t gotten rid of anxiety, worry, and fear. But I can face all of those things on equal footing now.
I’m grateful for the clarity that makes my life feel real. I don’t have to apologize for existing. I honor my creator when I love myself.
I have found that in being true to myself, compromise is compromising, and it is a weakness. I know when I’ve compromised myself, and that is always the greatest source of regret. It’s when you let yourself down that hurts the most.
I’ve strengthened my inner strength by not letting myself down, being my own best friend, and supporting myself, no matter how difficult it was at first.
My self-worth used to come from other people and external things, and it felt nearly impossible to unplug from that, but it is possible, and for me, the only way to live happily.
Approval-seeking and people-pleasing is an emotional addiction, and the only way out (that I’ve found) is to become hooked on your own soul.
Today, I’m as free as the day I was born. I feel innocent and pure. Not because I’m doing anything, but because I’ve chosen to be uncompromisingly true to myself.
After finding the freedom I was looking for, not just physically but emotionally, I realize that the adventure has only just begun. Not only do I wish to enjoy this new found freedom, but I also want to give something back; to be a light for others. Maybe I’m not completely out of the woods yet, but perhaps the woods aren’t something to be afraid of, and I can come and go as I please.
It’s a nice day, and a warm winter. I go about my daily routines like a castaway who’s been returned to civilization. Everything feels new, yet familiar at the same time.
I’m not running away from my feelings anymore, mainly because I’ve grown weary of doing that, and because it doesn’t work. The disowned parts of myself have been patiently waiting for my return. To do the things I’m meant to do is like being reborn as another person.
I find myself writing from the parking lot of another gas station after spending the night at my mom’s. What warms my heart is having self-confidence, which makes life feel so much better. Whatever happens on the outside, I’m OK on the inside.
As I learn more about being an INFP, I see that not wanting to be trapped is a big concern. That’s another way of saying I want to be free, and the truth is that we’re all born free (no matter what anyone else says). So what do I do about it?
What I do is take one step at a time, knowing in my heart that no one and nothing binds me. Sometimes all I can do is breathe, take a step back, and start over.
I paid for and submitted my apartment application today, and if I’m approved, I’ll move-in next month. In any case, I attempted to talk with my dad this morning, but he’s angry that I spoke my mind yesterday, so I see that it really is time for me to leave the shop. There’ve been times when I’ve done something and felt bad about it afterwards, but this isn’t one of them.
I can remember important milestones over the past year in which I stood up to my dad and spoke honestly and sincerely, and I’m proud of myself for doing it. The challenges of living at the shop makes other things easier by comparison, so I appreciate being able to grow from the experience. Ultimately, everything’s working out the way it’s supposed to.
I’m ready to have my own place, and live my own life. The thing about approval-seeking, or people-pleasing, or whatever you want to call it, is that you truly have to face up to it and get through it. I feel free now.
Today, I’m focusing on compassion, because I realize how judgmental I can be, especially toward myself, but also toward other people and circumstances. As I focus on compassion, I feel better, lighter, less burdened. There’s a freedom in being compassionate that goes beyond external conditions.
My mood used to be tied up with how things turned out, whether it’s a project I’m working on, or people I interact with. I felt limited by this, because I wanted to feel good, but many things either made me feel bad, or left me dissatisfied, or disappointed. Letting go of this futile attempt at controlling external conditions (which included my own judgmentalism) has helped me a lot.
As I go about my day, I’m compassionate toward others and myself. I trust in my life and my experiences. This is who I am.
The shop’s garage is filled with work, and the day goes by quickly while I’m working. I measure success (if I happen to feel like measuring it) partly by financial progress, but mostly by personal growth. For example, a while back I decided to respect myself by not checking up on people from my previous relationship.
Aside from growth, there’s also enjoyment and freedom. These things are natural, and the more we honor them, the more they thrive. From the outside looking in, people will say what they want to say, but for me, success is about enjoyment, freedom, and growth.
When I’m attracted to someone, I seem to struggle with knowing how to act, but maybe there’s a certain charm to that. My main focus is to be self-confident anyway, which is essentially self-reliance. I guess you could say that I have a life.