I’m focused on embodying myself these days–really feeling what it means to be me–so I’m not trying to use my intellect to be happy. Intrinsic motivation is the only thing that’s truly fulfilling. Life flows into open spaces.
I’m enjoying art, writing, and music. There’s nothing for me to solve anymore. I’ve gone through the tough stuff, and now all I want to do is appreciate everything.
I know that whatever has gone away can be replaced by something greater. This is what it means to be a (better) man. That’s what it means to be human.
At the heart of re-inventing myself is the principle of intrinsic motivation and reward. Doing things for intrinsic reward means being uncompromisingly true. It’s unfamiliar territory, but the key is to make the unfamiliar familiar.
Intrinsic rewards feel satisfying, fun, interesting, fulfilling, right, good, and perfect. Trying to get extrinsically rewarded feels like second-guessing myself, self-doubt, approval-seeking, people-pleasing, fear-based, anxiety-driven, worrisome, comparing myself to and seeking validation from others. So yeah, intrinsic rewards are way better.
I’ve found that deciding to live from the inside out means not going back to the old ways of living. You can’t half-ass being true to yourself. You wouldn’t buy falseness from yourself, and neither will other people.
I’m enjoying coffee and incense on a cold Sunday night. I contemplate fulfillment and happiness, and feel fulfilled and happy. I was drawn to write, so I am.
I suppose this is a kind of poetry, what I write on my blog. It’s certainly a meditation, and maybe therapy. It’s definitely evolved.
It’s all connected; the outer surface of things, and the deeper meanings. Problem and solution are so close together as to be one and the same. I’m crafting a philosophy and road testing it.
They say that the only constant thing in life is change, or something to that effect. Life takes on a familiar groove, then you step back and realize how things have totally changed. It’s better not to get too attached.
I’m sleeping next to a car that I spent the day painting. I take showers in the garage; it’s actually kind of fun. That’s how my life’s changed, and continues to.
There’s fulfillment in giving of yourself, but I’m not here to tell anyone what, when, or how much to give of anything. Sincerity is the key, but that’s between you and yourself. I woke up and was able to take care of a kitten, but I’m also glad to have written.
I’m lying on a cot in the shop’s garage enjoying the relative peace and quiet. Personal space is quite the commodity around here. Dad’s dozed off, and my tepid dabbling with social media has left me feeling somewhat empty.
Life goes on at the shop. I talked about moving on, but like I said, I’m not totally sure what that means, and I believe that moving on (aka change) happens on the inside, anyway. What’s important is that I’m finding fulfillment and meaning in my life.
Simplicity catches my interest. That, and the daily journey. There’s a lot to appreciate, after all.
I’m relaxing after a good day’s work. I work on cars every day. It’s meaningful work, and so is writing.
I remember something I heard from a Tony Robbins audiobook years ago; something like, not only do we have our goals, but we also have our destiny. I feel like I’ve moved on from just having goals, to fulfilling my destiny. That’s why my life feels meaningful and fulfilled.
The person that I was in the past is still a part of me, but I realize that I’m much more than I thought. Life feels both momentary and infinite. My days aren’t any more or less important than anyone else’s, but there’s an immediacy to my experience that I really like.
I share a bed with my dad, and that’s something that once seemed impossible, but there’s fulfillment and meaningfulness in it. It’s easy and maybe seductive to focus on outer results, and lose sight of the truly valuable inner changes. I’m enjoying my nightly cup of coffee, which seems to help me go back to sleep.
There’s a difference between complicated and simple. That’s obvious enough, but serves as an important principle to live by. Anxiety used to feel like something of epic proportion, but experiencing a steady connection with my True Self is even more epic.
I know what good feels like, and I want to let it in. I’ve sometimes felt like I was out of control, and sometimes like I was trying to control too much. Now I’m putting my faith and trust in my True Self.