I’m rediscovering fun; things like watching movies, listening to music, painting, and writing. It used to be easy, but now it feels like I have to learn how to do it all over again. These days, everything seems to trigger bad memories; even good ones can turn bad on a dime.
I can feel the resistance – the blocks, the obstacles, the anxiety, the depression, the antagonism – but I choose to no longer fight with myself. Instead, I’m there for myself no matter what; something that was missing before. Now I’m taking responsibility for my own happiness.
Because I’m watching more movies, I’m seeing my life as a story (even more so than usual). Dreams I’ve had since I was a kid are starting to come true. Now it’s that part in the movie where the main character has to take a leap of faith.
As I went about my Sunday routines, I had the realization that I’ve barely scratched the surface of who I truly am. This is both exciting and frustrating. There’s so much that I want to create and express.
Creating things willy-nilly isn’t all that satisfying, either. Part of the fun is in connecting with others. Of course, there’s also the issue of making a living.
Rather than fighting the form and structure, I’m learning from it. Boundaries have their uses, after all. Focus is the key.
Life at the shop gives me the opportunity to fulfill many meaningful purposes. For example, picking up trash and keeping the surrounding area clean not only makes the shop look better, but it also helps the environment. And taking care of the shop cats is a way for me to give of myself.
I’m focusing on getting back to painting and writing once again, while also living and working at the shop. I know it’s quite possible to do that, and maybe it’s all part of the masterplan. Right now, like always, it’s a day-to-day kinda thing.
Of course, I’m interested in my own self-improvement, but it’s great that sharing my experiences and stories is interesting to other people, too. I believe that improving oneself is the best way to improve the world. There’s always room for improvement, after all, and it can be fun.
I’m having thought provoking and exciting conversations with my dad about life, love, and work. It’s a special thing to be able to do that. He’s sharing his knowledge and experience with me, and I’ll probably be running the shop one day.
What’s happening these days isn’t something I could have planned out on my own, which is why I seek to understand my life. Since the beginning of GBM (and before that), I’ve worked to be true to myself. For me, being who we truly are is the whole point.
By sharing my story, I want to inspire others, although the main reason I do it is because I like it. I also like getting likes. I don’t know exactly how things are going to be, but I know it’s going to be fun.
One thing I wish for people is that they realize who they truly are, rather than accept the labels that society has given them. Part of my vocation in life is to be an example for others by being who I truly am. Something I notice with people who have a similar “vibration” as I do, is a tendency to apologize, justify, blame, and defend, whether it’s to themselves or others.
I want people to know that there’s nothing to explain, apologize for, justify the worth of, give up power by blaming, or defend against. When you do any of those things, you create an opposing force. We didn’t create the things we’re trying so hard to fight against, and we call that our purpose. I call that martyrdom; its stupid, and a waste of life.
Have the courage to be happy for no reason other than it’s who you are, and it’s what you want.
Break free from caring so much about what others think of you. They’re not that smart anyway.
Let others label you whatever they want, because as long as you’re having fun it doesn’t matter.
Nobody wants you to suffer or be a martyr, and if they do, tell them to fuck off.
Yesterday, I hung out with my dad for a bit, and it was fun. If you’ll recall, I took on the challenge of cleaning his shop, and last week, I did some hardcore cleaning. In fact, it took me a while to recover from it. Since then, I’m glad that he didn’t revert completely back to his old ways. It was tolerable, and I just threw out some trash. His buddy showed up, and I have funny tales about that dude, but maybe I’ll share them another time. Both of them gave me some tips and tricks for playing the guitar, so that was cool.
I woke up today, or rather, my mom woke me up, which was an early sign of annoyance, but I think the annoyance factor probably started earlier. Her being annoying to me is just an outward manifestation of my annoyance with myself. I feel frustrated by my Work/Vocation Life Area right now, but I want to focus on what’s working.
Sometimes, when I focus on what I don’t like, that feels bad, of course, but then I know that the things I’ve experienced and learned are things that I truly want to be experiencing and learning, so it’s all part of the process. For example, within every person I interact with, there are things I like and don’t like about them, and I can choose to focus on the things I like, and leave the rest.
I’m making a choice and commitment to myself to be problem-free from now on. Like most everyone else, I’ve got various things going on – relationships and whatnot – that can easily be seen as a problem – either big or small – but it doesn’t have to be that way. Being problem-free (or worry-free) really is a choice, and one that I’m ready and willing to make.
Don’t get me wrong, problem-solving can be fun. It depends on how you feel when you say the word “problem.” Sometimes that sounds like an interesting puzzle to be worked on, but usually it feels bad to think that you have problems in your life. So if it feels bad to have problems or worries, then we have the power to drop those beliefs. I think there’s an underlying fear that if we stop looking at things as problems, they’ll just get worse, but it’s been my experience that focusing on problems just perpetuates them.
A personal example right now is this painting I’ve been working on, which was delayed because of family stuff last month. I suppose that’s a problem for myself and my client, and the work I do can be thought of as a problem-solving exercise. That’s a good example of a good vs. bad feeling problem. It feels bad to think of it as a problem for me (and the client), but OK to think of the work itself as a problem to be solved.
Semantics aside, the self-improvement way is to be solution oriented, so that’s the path I’m taking. Whenever I think I have a problem, or that something is a problem, I remember that it’s my choice – based on how it feels – whether I want to look at it that way or not. As for the painting, the solution is to have fun and keep working on it, and whatever happens, happens.