Being honest with myself and taking the third way.
I woke up early this morning and had some insights, as I usually do, and wanted to share them before I forget. This blog is called Getting Better, Man, and getting better is partly about healing and recovering from pain. I have things I need to heal and recover from–and I know that I’m healing all the time–but I have a nervous habit of picking at scabs and not allowing them to heal properly.
Sometimes I wake up with what could be called post-traumatic flashbacks and memories (like I did this morning), and I ask God, and my Angels and Guides to help me forgive for the sake of myself and others. I don’t really care who or what I’m forgiving, because there’s probably too much to forgive, but I want to transmute the negative energy into something positive. I don’t like to complain or blame, and I don’t like to ask for help; I’m not seeking sympathy, although I most likely deserve it, if anyone does.
No, I’m all about getting better, and that takes many forms. I’ve been through the shadow stuff, and had to learn how to use alchemy, magic, and prayer. Part of the Hero’s Journey is to bring the Elixir of Life back to humanity, and that’s what I’m doing.
Breaking the ice, getting my feet, and taking a leap of faith.
I spoke up for myself yesterday, and I’m glad I did. There are times when I feel disrespected by my dad, and usually I change my way of thinking about it rather than say anything, but I felt the need to finally speak up. I did it in a calm and reasonable way.
I’m finding that self-improvement means coming around full circle, and approaching similar situations in a different, hopefully better way. Then things can evolve and grow. Improvement is part of the natural order.
As much as anything, my growth as a person has been about discovering who I truly am, and unflinchingly looking at the fear that seems to be lurking in the shadows. I don’t blame anyone for my fears. It’s up to me to make peace with myself.
I’m collecting silver linings, and I believe it’s adding up into something wonderful. Candor, candid, honesty is remarkably refreshing these days. All I can say is that I’m doing the best I can, and it’s getting better, man.
If I were to give a list of my external conditions, it would seem like I’ve lost or don’t have a lot, but if I were to give a list of my internal conditions – my emotions and sense of fulfillment – it would seem like I have the world in my hands.
There have been times when I enjoyed the acceptance and approval of certain people that I care about, but then the acceptance and approval went away, at least for now. I realized that the approval of others isn’t something I can or even want to control, because whoever they approved of before is still the same person; I haven’t turned evil or anything. I’m continually becoming a better man, and I’m not sure what I did to gain their acceptance in the first place. Trying to maintain my “approval rating” didn’t work out.
It did work out in the sense that I know with more clarity who I am, and for me, that’s the whole point. I’ve faced all of the big fears that seemed to be blocking my path through life. This blog is based around the concept of eight Life Areas, and I have an unprecedented understanding of my relationship to each one. Whatever I encounter during my day, I can see where it fits into the scheme of things. Years ago, I called it The Masterplan System.
Whether the people I care about approve of me or not, I love them ever more, not less. For example, I love my ex-girlfriend more now than I did before, and I know that because I don’t need anything from her. My love is unconditional, and the truth is that knowing how to love unconditionally makes this whole journey of life worth it.
In this episode of the GBM Podcast, I take you along with me on my walking meditation, and share my thoughts on life.