I feel a deep appreciation at how far I’ve come in the past few years. Journaling, writing, blogging, and art have been true companions long before and after people have come and gone. I know what it’s like to be left out in the cold and hung out to dry.
Though protected, my heart isn’t bitter. I still have a sense of wonder. Appreciation flows through me.
There’s no part of me that I’ve ever been able to extinguish. I’ve only ever grown. Self-acceptance is, as I see it, my only road to salvation.
You can say you’re letting go and moving on, but one of the hardest things to let go of is that sense of identity. The new way of life is going to feel very unfamiliar. It really is like a caterpillar changing into a butterfly.
Sometimes it’s the pain that reminds us to stay on the new path. The old way is so obviously not wanted that we’re determined never to go back. Pain can be useful like that.
Of course, there comes a day when we realize that this is the path we’re supposed to be on, and no power on earth can keep us from it. I get glimpses of that feeling, like sunlight peeking through clouds. That’s when I see that this is a journey of the heart.
I’ve just had a realization about most of the relationships I’ve experienced so far, and why I’ve often struggled with them. I’m deeply honest and sincere, and while that may seem like a virtue, in many relationships (that I’ve experienced) that’s actually something people are afraid of. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong for me to be sincere, but that I’m just not around like-minded (or ‘like-hearted’) people.
For example, I understand that people are going to be self-interested; I believe in that, actually. However, let’s say someone in a (romantic) relationship with me says they would be happier by ending the relationship–I genuinely support that–but what I don’t support is not being honest and up-front about it, and basically making me the bad guy in order to have an excuse to break up. Or maybe someone is talking about improving their life in some way; I wholeheartedly care and want them to do it, and I want to support them in whatever way I’m able to.
What I don’t like (or understand) is when I’m talking about improving my life–or being honest and sincere with someone–and I’m met with disinterest, falseness, or even passive-aggressiveness. Because I very much want to get along with people, I used to contort myself in all sorts of ways that ultimately left me feeling depressed. Now, instead of beating up and betraying myself, I choose to stand by my values and attract people who value the same things as I do.
Perhaps it’s not a bad thing to form a callous over the heart; not to have a hardened heart, but one that can sustain us. A healthy and passionate heart is one that pulses with life, but not one that’s bleeding all over the place. A strong heart maintains integrity.
There’s an invisible wall between the mundane and the magical. The wall is a well placed illusion, and there’s a reason it’s a mystery (because you’re meant to find it for yourself).
The great treasure of life is true self-worth, and once it’s found, all lies dissolve.
Shedding away the old can be a painful experience. I feel layers of my old self peeling and revealing a big heart. I choose to love unconditionally.
I’m not trying to be a good person. I want to be who I really am. I’m much more than I thought.
To be a bigger person, the old shell has to be discarded. I embrace this bigger life. I appreciate and love myself, my life, my family, friends, guides, mentors, and teachers.
Yesterday went by quicker than I thought, and I didn’t post. Now I’m sitting in the garage, and waiting for sleep. I’m realizing that simplicity and sincerity are powerful principles that can melt (and move) glaciers.
Sometimes memories and thoughts bombard me, and the best thing I can do is make space for it. There’s space within my heart; more than I realized. I’m realizing that the things that matter, matter, and the things that don’t, don’t.
If I’m the creator of my reality, then I ask myself what my reasons would be for creating this reality. To know who I truly am, to know my true power, to be who I truly am, and reflect that into the world. In the light of truth, fear dissolves.
I’ve attained a level of seriousness that I believe is good for me. Being serious means I’m clear about who I am, and I’m focused on being who I am. I think pain can make you stronger.
Ultimately, it’s about being happy. That’s at the heart of who I am. I choose to honor and follow my heart.
Within the pieces of a broken heart, grows a bigger and stronger heart.