Being honest with myself and taking the third way.
Seeking the truth is a lonely path, so I appreciate being able to connect with other seekers. I didn’t always know I was a truth seeker, but I’ve always had the inherent traits; curiosity, creativity, intuition, courage, spirit. While the adults were busy going to their thankless jobs, spending their money on parties and possessions, all under the guise of “we’re grown-ups so we must know what we’re doing”, I watched and wondered.
The lost and confused
I wondered why these so-called adults seemed lost and confused. I wondered why adults were so obedient to authority. I wondered why they were so fearful. As a kid, I was naturally curious and afraid of everything. Adults would attempt to teach me the rules of life, but even then I felt something was missing.
I don’t want it to sound like I’m a people-hating hermit, because I’ve met lots of good, compassionate people. That’s the beauty of the human condition; to have big hearts while still being lost and confused.
Last night’s dream
I had a recurring dream about playing soccer in high school, which usually means I have anxiety about life right now. High school was a time of confusion. I grasped at whatever identity I could find as if my life depended on it. There are people who still cling to the identities they formed in high school, not realizing these self-preservers are worn out and tattered.
The easy way out
Life would be much simpler if I could let go of seeking the truth, but to do that would make life meaningless to me. I’d rather be on the path of truth and fail, than be blissfully ignorant. I’m now one of those lost and confused adults I used to wonder about as a kid.
The closest thing to truth I’ve ever found, is that none of us knows the truth.
image credits: Lanterns by David H-W (Extrajection), on Flickr