Rediscovering Fun

I’m rediscovering fun; things like watching movies, listening to music, painting, and writing. It used to be easy, but now it feels like I have to learn how to do it all over again. These days, everything seems to trigger bad memories; even good ones can turn bad on a dime.

I can feel the resistance – the blocks, the obstacles, the anxiety, the depression, the antagonism – but I choose to no longer fight with myself. Instead, I’m there for myself no matter what; something that was missing before. Now I’m taking responsibility for my own happiness.

Because I’m watching more movies, I’m seeing my life as a story (even more so than usual). Dreams I’ve had since I was a kid are starting to come true. Now it’s that part in the movie where the main character has to take a leap of faith.



Preparing Myself


There are laws of the land, and there are personal laws. I usually follow the laws of the land, but I always (do my best to) follow my personal laws. It takes work to establish your own laws to live by.

As I write this, Steven Seagal is laying down the law in one of his cheesy movies. I give him credit for being able to make out with somewhat sexy 90’s wannabe actresses. At the time these movies came out, I was more interested in the fighting than the women, but now that I’m older than the actresses were when they made the films, it’s a bit different.

Anyway, work is kinda slow right now at the shop. I’ve been cleaning and organizing things, which is actually a lot of work. I keep thinking about how I’m preparing myself for someone special.