I love authentic people, and living authentically is probably my highest value in life. When I love people, it’s about as authentic as humanly possible. With that said, one of my biggest lessons is that it’s not my job to save people.
When you’re authentic, your life becomes great, and not everyone is going to be comfortable with that. Sometimes you compromise yourself, but that’s not something you can keep up and be happy. I’ve had to let go and let God many times.
For idealistic people, burnout is a real danger. Our minds give us energy, but our body needs to rest and have real food, not just ideas. We need to take care of ourselves.
On the journey of self-improvement (it’s a journey not a destination), you never know what’s going to be a profoundly transformative experience. Right now, my big transformation is letting go of living up to my parents’ expectations, which ultimately is what letting go of approval seeking is all about. There’s a feeling of grief and sadness in saying goodbye to an old version of myself.
Much of self-improvement is preparation. You prepare yourself–spirit, thoughts, emotions, body–for that moment when something ignites your soul on fire. While it’s exhilarating to expand into a greater version of yourself, there must be a cooling down period in which things must reform.
We can never go back to the way things were, but sometimes we want to. When we can stop wanting to go back, then we can truly go forward. We have to want to change before it can happen.
The treasure I seek is self-realization, but the great fear I have is letting go of the belief that I have to do something, that I have to prove my worth, or be somebody. It’s a paradox. The more I try to be who I am, the more I can’t be who I am.
What if we accepted that everything is unfolding perfectly? That it has always unfolded perfectly, and will always unfold perfectly. There’s a part of me that’s terrified to accept that–recoils at the thought–and yet it’s a deep understanding and key to the universe.
Where does meaningfulness come from? I don’t know, but I know it’s something we can feel. Our own unique path will always feel meaningful to us.
A rather stunning revelation I’ve had is that I don’t treat myself fairly…at all. Well, I’ve suspected it for a while, but these days I’m really onto it. Some of the most revealing insights come to us as we’re waking up.
Crossing the Threshold
I believe in the Hero’s Journey, and right now it feels like I’m crossing the threshold. Things have happened in such a way that I can never go back to who I thought I was. Being free is completely exciting and terrifying in turns.
Why can I be so passionate about other people, so eager to please, but feel so cold and negligent towards myself? I’m not letting myself off the hook until I can truly answer the question. Layers of illusions peel away when we fearlessly get to the heart of the matter.
Sometimes the best thing to do is stand up for yourself. Part of being a good person is being your own person. Whatever fears you may face is ultimately worth it to be free.
I haven’t solved all of the problems of life. I haven’t gotten rid of anxiety, worry, and fear. But I can face all of those things on equal footing now.
I’m grateful for the clarity that makes my life feel real. I don’t have to apologize for existing. I honor my creator when I love myself.
We are all destined to realize our true self-worth, one way or the other. It’s not so much a calling as an inexorable pull. To the extent that we resist the pull of our true self, we are unhappy.
Letting go can be difficult because it can feel like a sacrifice. Sometimes we think we’re sacrificing, but we’re not. A true sacrifice usually has to do with the death of a dearly held belief, and most of us hate to be wrong.
It’s challenging to be unflinchingly honest with ourselves. There are so many ways we can be diverted from really getting to the heart of the matter. I continue to write, because this is my bastion of peace, and oasis of truth.
Sometimes I wonder why it’s so quick and easy for me to focus love onto others, but focusing that same love on myself feels foreign. It’s one of those unfamiliar things that I’m devoted to becoming familiar with. As I look upon myself with the same admiration, esteem, friendliness, and respect that I afford others, I feel at peace.