Rediscovering Fun

I’m rediscovering fun; things like watching movies, listening to music, painting, and writing. It used to be easy, but now it feels like I have to learn how to do it all over again. These days, everything seems to trigger bad memories; even good ones can turn bad on a dime.

I can feel the resistance – the blocks, the obstacles, the anxiety, the depression, the antagonism – but I choose to no longer fight with myself. Instead, I’m there for myself no matter what; something that was missing before. Now I’m taking responsibility for my own happiness.

Because I’m watching more movies, I’m seeing my life as a story (even more so than usual). Dreams I’ve had since I was a kid are starting to come true. Now it’s that part in the movie where the main character has to take a leap of faith.



Paying Karmic Debt


There are people who—from a societal standpoint–have more of an obligation to be responsible to their family than me, but they simply don’t care (or let it bog them down) and go about their merry way. On the other hand, as an only child, I’ve felt overly responsible for the happiness of my family, which, of course, happens to be me and my parents. I now realize that I don’t have to be that way, and I can just as easily do whatever I want.

It’s been such a struggle for me to be my own person that I chalk it up to paying off karmic debt. How do I know that I’ve paid off my karmic debt? I don’t feel guilty anymore, and in fact, I’ve replaced any feeling of guilt with anger, which feels a lot better than depression.

Emotional well-being, mental health, and self-improvement is a daily job. Being happy is intrinsically rewarding, and we all deserve to be happy.

I deserve to be a happy.




Being Truly Humble


My definition of humility is being neither too high nor too low in your estimation of yourself. In fact, the need to compare yourself to others is irrelevant when you’re truly humble. Humility requires self-honesty and sincerity.


Feeling like you’re better than others (and needing to put others down) is arrogance, which is the opposite of humility. Likewise, playing the martyr or victim is also a kind of arrogance, and not humble. It’s only through vigorous self-honesty that the true heart of humility can shine forth.


Being truly humble means being invisible, like the way nature is great without caring if anyone notices. It means living life for the greater good, which includes yourself and everyone else. It means withdrawing blame and taking on full responsibility for your choices.



Being Accountable

The shop cats woke me up, so I decided to make a cup of coffee and write, contemplating the idea of being accountable; to myself, others, and life. I look over to the side and see this rather alien landscape that I call my bedroom. Things can be surreal at 3am.

There’s power in being accountable. There can also be fear, guilt, and shame. It’s the difference between choosing to be the creator of your reality or a victim of circumstance.

Once we discover our personal power, we can’t go back to being victims. I take responsibility for how I respond to things. I choose to be accountable.


Steadily Cultivating Success


Chronicling my adventures through life is one of the more enjoyable and encouraging things that I do. Whenever I need a pick-me-up, I just focus on the shop cats. The last of the little black kittens that we thought was lost showed up again today.

For me, it’s all about clarity and focus. My well-being depends on it. Clarity means taking personal responsibility for my happiness, and focus means steadily cultivating success.

Appreciation is a state of being and a principle to live by.


Changing Weather (and Self)

The weather is in the process of getting cooler, and I’m in the process of getting my own apartment. As I work on repairing cars, I’ve also begun to listen to Abraham-Hicks again. More and more, I feel genuinely happy.

I’m responsible for things that are meaningful to me, so I like being responsible for them. Things are so different than how I imagined they would be, yet it all makes sense on some level.

People I meet often say that I look and seem much younger than thirty-something. Maybe it’s a late-bloomer and old-soul kinda thing.


Being a Catalyst

This is an important time in my life; a time when I become my own person. I take responsibility for my well-being, and I let go of trying to take responsibility for other people’s well-being. I’ve called it self-improvement, but it can also be called growing, maturing, expanding, awakening, transforming, or individuating.

I used to be afraid, naturally, for my survival. As children, we need adults to take care of us, but then we must mature mentally and emotionally. Much of the unhappiness I see in my fellow adults is the inability to grow psychologically.

There are still some fears, but my desire to be who I am is growing far beyond any fears I might have. I’m glad that I can be this self-aware in my thirties, when I see people twice my age still stuck in their roles. I feel like a catalyst of clarity and sincerity.