Neverending Appreciation

I feel a deep appreciation at how far I’ve come in the past few years. Journaling, writing, blogging, and art have been true companions long before and after people have come and gone. I know what it’s like to be left out in the cold and hung out to dry.

Though protected, my heart isn’t bitter. I still have a sense of wonder. Appreciation flows through me.

There’s no part of me that I’ve ever been able to extinguish. I’ve only ever grown. Self-acceptance is, as I see it, my only road to salvation.



Waking Up


I woke up to find that I had a couple of comments on one of my videos, but they turned out to be spam, but hey, it’s a start, right? Making these recordings–and sharing them with others–is important to me in a way that I can’t completely describe. I’ve felt this way at other times in my life, and it was always transformative.

I’m at a point where I can’t go back to the way things were, and I mean that figuratively and literally. Life has a way of showing you the raw truth, one way or the other. Learn to trust the Universe, or be broken by it.

Trusting in God is the same as trusting in myself. Approval seeking and people pleasing is basically worshiping the (good or bad) opinions of others, and (for me) that’s immoral. I’m glad that I’ve experienced what I’ve experienced, I’m at where I’m at, and I’m doing what I’m doing.



Finding Self-Acceptance


This post was a draft I saved three years ago and hadn’t looked at since. After re-reading it this morning, I thought it deserved to be published. I’m not even sure where I got the beautiful picture of the lions from (let me know and I’ll credit the photographer).

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This week, I wrote about living in good faith vs. self-deception. I practice living in good faith by being honest with myself, acknowledging what I’m thinking and feeling, writing down my thoughts and doing my best to clearly articulate them, rather than habitually passing judgment on myself, avoiding, suppressing, or running away from what I’m thinking and feeling. I believe this builds self-acceptance and self-trust, and it’s an ongoing process (as with most things that are important). If we lack integrity with ourselves, we will lack integrity with others.

Then I wrote about dealing with emotional flare ups, which is also part of living in good faith. I’ve been learning to accept that my emotions are a legitimate part of who I am, and that respecting them is important. Gentleness is a virtue, although this goes against certain ingrained habits I have that want to ignore or power through emotions I don’t like. This causes inner conflict, and I’d rather have inner peace. However, peace requires work and the courage to live in good faith.

When we practice self-honesty and self-acceptance, we can then move on to having self-empathy, which is a genuine ability to relate to ourselves as a true friend. All of this builds inner strength, which is needed in order to live on purpose.

My daily intention is to cut through all the BS (and there’s a lot of it) so that I’m aligned with my True Self, which is about being who I really am, and doing what I’m really here to do. That may sound like a serious way to live–and sometimes it is–but I think of it as being passionate, soulful, and truthful, which is, to me, a great way to live.


New Beginnings


It’s been a mind-blowing and consciousness expanding week. I’ve been preparing for this level of transcendence for a while. Between listening to Abraham, Bashar, my own inner guidance, going for walks, and doing things that lead to my highest excitement and joy, I’ve reached glorious heights of self-awareness. As I look down, I can see where I’ve been, how far I’ve come, and what it all meant, and it brings tears to my eyes, which is my physical way of releasing resistance, and feeling the unconditional love of my True Self.

I like to think that I’ve been on a journey to find pieces of my soul that were scattered to the winds, and when I find a part of who I am, I know it, and it’s exhilarating. I see it as a game between me and my True Self. I love the feeling of seeing how all the pieces fit together. I’ve aligned with, connected to, and felt my True Self, and it acts as a bright beacon for me to follow. It always has, but sometimes it was covered by fog.

I know I’ve truly changed because there’s nothing I can think of that I’m not looking at with a different lens. When the old lens – distorted and cracked – falls back into place, it’s obvious, and I know how to replace it. I know that I accept, allow, and respect all parts of myself now. This unconditional love and self-acceptance makes everything I’ve experienced worth it, and is one of the themes of my life. I can see through all the deceptions, illusions, and lies in my own mind, and in the mind of the collective (un)consciousness.

I’m not perfect, because that would imply that my journey has ended, and the truth is that every step along this eternal journey is a new beginning. I’ve written about all of these things before, but to know it in my heart, and carry it with me forever, is beyond words.


Sexual Freedom

I’m glad to have reached the place where my sexuality is my own. There are still some kinks (so to speak), but their my kinks, and I’m OK with that.

My intention is to align with my True Self, and live from the inside out, and my sexuality is a part of that. I like that I’m accepting this creative and powerful part of myself.

Sex is among those topics that everyone seems to have an opinion about, and there can be various fears and taboos surrounding it. I’ve been affected by other people’s belief systems – brainwashed, you could say – and now I’m un-brainwashing myself.

As I wrote in the article It’s All About Getting Off, sex isn’t a Life Area, but is part of the energy that sustains all the Life Areas. However, sex is often thought of as a physical act, and like food, is one of those things that can really hook into our emotions.

Sex can put me in a trance-like state, which I sometimes like, but sometimes I don’t. It can help me be more receptive to creative inspiration. Sometimes I use it to numb emotional pain. I’ve had intimate and loving sexual experiences, and sexual experiences that are better than any porno I’ve ever seen.

My exposure to sex may not have been ideal, but that’s part of my self-improvement journey. My sexuality is all about accepting and loving myself, and this is where words don’t count; I really have to mean it. My emotions and sense of self are connected to my sexuality, so there can be no self-deception here. I’m creating my own rules for what’s right for me, sexual or otherwise.


Appreciating the Journey


I know that some of my readers have been following my journey for several years, and I think that’s pretty amazing. I haven’t been paid a single cent for blogging, yet without it I wouldn’t have been able to do other things that have paid me. I think I’ve been about as angsty as you can be on this blog, while at the same time developing my self-confidence and self-acceptance. There were a few of the obligatory “I’m thinking of quitting” posts over the years, and some posts where I had to force myself to write and publish them.

In many ways, GBM is a conversation between my True Self and my lost, confused, and wishy-washy self. When I look back, I can see how the things I’ve written about are now a part of my being, and because of that, my reality and world has changed. Everything has changed for the better, although sometimes I still have self-doubts.

GBM is a kind of road map for me, with sign posts that help me remember my way. I’m very glad to be sharing this journey with other travelers. Getting attention, likes, and followers does matter to some part of me, yet I always measure the success of an article by how much it’s aligned with my personal truth.

Sometimes it’s been back and heart breaking to discover and embrace who I really am, to flip my world around so that I’m living in my body instead of through the eyes of other people. I’m proud to have felt every emotion that’s possible for me to feel, from suicidal despair to mind-numbing ecstasy, from utter loneliness to complete wholeness. I’ve screamed in anguish, cried my heart out, and laughed till I couldn’t breathe. That’s what I want out of life; to feel what I feel, think what I think, do what I do, and be who I am.

Now I’m appreciating more and more how blessed I am, how connected we are, and how beautiful life is.


Love (Is What We Want)


I’m realizing that in order for me to have what I want, I need to love it. That seems obvious, but sometimes we can let things get in the way of being loving.

I think there’s a misconception that in order to get what we want, or get to where we want to be, we must go through a certain amount of what we don’t want. This seems like a pervasive belief that I’ve found to be false. I actually don’t believe that we must go through unwanted things in order to have what we want, unless we think we have to.

We don’t have to wage war in order to have peace, and we don’t have to suffer in order to grow. A person who lives a simple and happy life is just as great and noble as someone who is ambitious.

The only things that truly matter in human life is love and wisdom, because without these things life has no meaning. We can be in love with wisdom, and that in itself will take us to where we need to be.

It’s funny because I’m realizing how much I’ve struggled against the very things I’ve loved. I’ve analyzed, belittled, critiqued, deconstructed, evaluated, fault-founded, gnashed-teeth, hated, introspected, judged, and killed (at least tried to) that which I hold dear, like myself, for instance.

But you know, the human spirit can’t be extinguished no matter what we may do in our misguided ways. Self-expression isn’t ours to control; it just is. Loving what you want begins with loving yourself, because what we truly want is our Self.

There’s real power to be had and experienced when we align with our True Self. When we place our loyalty in unconditional love, the world, the universe, and all of life begins to speak to us in every moment.


image credits: Pixabay