Happening at Once

Throughout all of his wanderings he finally found that he’d made it to where he wanted to go, and that realization felt unfamiliar and disorienting. There was a deep sadness when he thought about leaving behind who he was, but also excitement at his accomplishment.

More than anything, he felt relief; relieved that the door was open, and that which he’d always believed in, but couldn’t see, was now real. It was a personal and intimate kind of realization. The only proof was in the way he felt about himself. The self-loathing was gone; that sense of alienation and fragmentation that seemed like the only reality he’d known.

“We’re in this together,” he thought, but he was saying it to all the different parts of himself.

He had the sensation that all of the moments of his life had swirled around him while he remained still.

It was all happening at once.

Scratching the Surface

As I went about my Sunday routines, I had the realization that I’ve barely scratched the surface of who I truly am. This is both exciting and frustrating. There’s so much that I want to create and express.

Creating things willy-nilly isn’t all that satisfying, either. Part of the fun is in connecting with others. Of course, there’s also the issue of making a living.

Rather than fighting the form and structure, I’m learning from it. Boundaries have their uses, after all. Focus is the key.



Discovering the Journey

Blogging is one of those things that surprises me by how long I’ve kept up with it. The years have flown by, which probably means it’s something I truly enjoy. Blogging helps me to discover who I am.

The Journey

The journey is about self-discovery. Self-discovery is “an act or process of gaining knowledge or understanding of your abilities, character, and feelings” (according to Siri). I like that.


There’s nothing out there that’s happening to us. It’s co-creative and cooperative. The way we are within must be reflected without.


Having an Inner Kingdom


I think life is about self-discovery; we discover ourselves through our experiences and interactions with others, the world, and ultimately our Self. I’ve discovered that I thrive on relationships, but rather than be emotionally dependent on external relationships, I’m sustained by the relationships I have within myself. It’s like having an inner kingdom.

My great wish is for love to matter and that sincerity counts. I want the love I feel inside to manifest on the outside. I want my thoughts, words, and actions to come from the heart.

There’s life and death, but really there’s just life…or just death. There’s also the middle way, which just is. I choose this timeless path.


Discovering the Secret


I’m enjoying some time away from the shop while I do laundry at the “lavanderia.” For years I’ve worked on finding my center, and being centered, and it’s really happening.

Self-improvement is, has been, and continues to be a journey. Ultimately, it’s about true freedom, and being our true self. It’s not so much a secret as it is a discovery of who we really are.


Being Completely Free (and Truly Powerful)

There are various shades of freedom, but I think complete freedom is the ability to choose how I feel and what I think about myself. Yesterday, while talking to my mom, she said that I was the kind of person that internalizes and thinks about things – which might be true enough – but then she also said that I wonder how what I say or do is going to affect others, and that I wonder what others will think of me. This got me to “thinking.”

On a social level, I suppose you could describe it the way my mom did, but I think at the heart of it is my desire to be who I truly am, which is a free and powerful being. Since that’s my desire, everything I experience will either feel like freedom or bondage (or somewhere in between), because that’s how I’ll know what it means to be free. That’s actually what I’m doing, rather than worrying about what others think; I’m discovering myself.

This is the last piece of the puzzle that I’ve been seeking. Everything I experience is measured against my desire for freedom. Being a slave to conditions isn’t freedom, but neither is pushing against or running away from them. Freedom is the ability to be free of all conditions, and fear is the result of believing that you are not free. You can like something and be free, and you can dislike something and be free. It’s all about the ability to choose to be happy – not to get anything – but for its own sake, because it’s who you are, and it’s what you want.

Now that’s true power.


Taking Chances

I got a fortune cookie once that said “You’ll continue to take chances, and be glad that you did”, and you know what, that’s true. I could’ve played it safe; not pursued self-improvement; stuck to the roles that other people expected of me, but I didn’t want to live a life of quiet desperation. I bet on myself, and every day it pays me back in spades.

For me, it’s always been about the meaning of things. That’s what matters. I want to know why it is the way it is, and why I should care. Why do I think, feel, and act the way I do (why does anyone)? Who am I, and what’s the point of it all?

I’ve realized that the meaning of my life is to be who I am, which is a fascinating (and fun) journey of self-discovery.