Facing Fears and Being Free

candle

Sometimes the best thing to do is stand up for yourself. Part of being a good person is being your own person. Whatever fears you may face is ultimately worth it to be free.

I haven’t solved all of the problems of life. I haven’t gotten rid of anxiety, worry, and fear. But I can face all of those things on equal footing now.

I’m grateful for the clarity that makes my life feel real. I don’t have to apologize for existing. I honor my creator when I love myself.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

Waiting for Christmas


I’m waiting to go to a Christmas party at my workplace, which is odd considering I just had a massive blow out with my dad in which he told me to leave the shop. I’ve known how toxic my relationship with him has been, but I genuinely wanted to heal it. Now I’m letting go of trying to fix the relationship, and focusing on my own well-being.

I can’t live with lies. I want my life to be sincere and truthful, which is what I consider real. The things my dad said were hurtful and terrible, but I’m glad I stood up to him (while he boasted about being able to beat me in a fight…geez).

At least I can see that there’s a difference between good people and bad, and while my dad may or may not be a bad person, my relationship with him isn’t good for me, and I can finally know that and accept it. All of this takes a lot of courage for me, and I’m proud of myself for coming this far in my journey.

~ GBM

Feeling Free Now


I paid for and submitted my apartment application today, and if I’m approved, I’ll move-in next month. In any case, I attempted to talk with my dad this morning, but he’s angry that I spoke my mind yesterday, so I see that it really is time for me to leave the shop. There’ve been times when I’ve done something and felt bad about it afterwards, but this isn’t one of them.

I can remember important milestones over the past year in which I stood up to my dad and spoke honestly and sincerely, and I’m proud of myself for doing it. The challenges of living at the shop makes other things easier by comparison, so I appreciate being able to grow from the experience. Ultimately, everything’s working out the way it’s supposed to.

I’m ready to have my own place, and live my own life. The thing about approval-seeking, or people-pleasing, or whatever you want to call it, is that you truly have to face up to it and get through it. I feel free now.

~ GBM

Doing the Right Thing

Sometimes you have to do the right thing even if it’s difficult. 

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.

Sometimes you just have to take a picture of a beautiful sky.

~ GBM

I Am Getting Better, Man

sunsea

It’s not as if I can deny nor erase the mistakes — conscious and unconscious — that I’ve made over the years. It’s not as if I haven’t relentlessly beaten myself up over those mistakes, and feel as if I’m continuing to pay for them.

I find it difficult to salvage any self-respect and personal dignity, but it’s there. I won’t tell people not to feel sorry for themselves, when I’m currently suffering from self-pity.

There’s a light within all of us that greets the sun like a kindred spirit.

It’s possible to do the right thing for yourself; to have some pride, dignity, respect, and honor. I haven’t always bestowed those same virtues upon others, which is a mistake. However, despite any mistakes I might have made, there is such a thing as human dignity and rights. So many times I’ve sold myself short that today, as I finally take a stand, I’m shaking with grief.

I affirm that I’m a valuable human being who has the right to be happy.

I have self-worth. I believe in myself. I am getting better, man.

~ GBM

image credit:
morguefile.com