You can find me on Instagram @sedone
You can find me on Instagram @sedone
It’s early in the morning and I talk about being a Libra and an INFP. Existentialism somehow crept in there, too.
The GBM Podcast episodes are now back online. I listened to them again, and realized how important it was for me to create them back in 2014. Awkward, self-conscious, and vulnerable, but also sincere and therapeutic, it was (and is) part of my ever evolving journey of authenticity. I plan on creating more podcasts and other multimedia content in the future.
The 7 of Swords describes my current situation. I moved on from living and working with my dad due to a clash between principles and values.
The King of Cups is the challenge. I look at it as having authority over my feelings, not letting other people dictate how I feel.
Temperance is the goal card. I’m experiencing profound changes that will resonate in all areas of my life. I’m finding my middle way.
The Fool is guidance. I’m finding my own place, and feel free and in touch with who I really am. I have faith and confidence in myself and life.
I could go out drinking with my cousin for her birthday, but I’m choosing to stay home and finish up a painting for a client. My work has been delayed because of my uncle’s funeral – and I haven’t mentioned it here – but another one of my uncles died this week. This time it was my mom’s brother (the other one was my dad’s).
Two uncles passing away in one month makes me wonder. I drew the Death tarot card this week, and I usually don’t think of it as a physical death, but this time it was. There has also been a passing away of other things in my life, too.
Something that happens after I post an article is that I’ll feel euphoric, but then self-doubt can set in. I’ve gotten used to this effect for the most part. In order to write or paint effectively, I need to be in alignment, and once you know what it’s like to be your greater self, the complaining and blameful version of yourself can be a drag.
The painting I’m working on has been a struggle (with all of the dying), but now I’m making progress. I’ll be at it all night, and to keep myself company, I may just go on a posting spree, and by “spree” I mean one or more posts.
Last Thursday, I learned that my uncle had died, and that started a chain of events that unfolded in an amazing way. My life has come around full circle; one of many turns of the cycle.
I woke up this morning to the sound of chirping, and found a baby bird hiding behind the fridge. I put it in a box, and soon heard chirping with an echo, and saw that another baby bird was stuck in the dryer vent. Thinking these little birdies might somehow be synchronistically connected to my uncle, I decided to take care of them, but more on that later.
One of the Tarot cards I drew this week was the 3 of Swords, which I don’t think anyone who’s into Tarot wants to get. I’ve definitely had heart-wrenching moments this week whenever I thought about my ex, but I feel like her avoidance of me is probably a good thing, because after I told her I loved her and her family, I knew that I could move on and be happy and successful whether she wanted to be with me or not. It seems like there must still be something between us for her to avoid me (even if it’s out of anger). I know that if she goes to bed happy, sleeps well, wakes up feeling great, has a wonderful day, and does that day after day, I’m sincerely happy for her. I don’t want to be an unhappy part of her life. I feel like I loved her before we met, I loved her while we were together, I love her now, and I’ll continue to love her forever.
Meanwhile, I went to the pet store to get the baby birds a place to stay and food to eat, but after attempting to feed them (unsuccessfully), I thought it would be better to let them go, so I took them outside, and they scampered away under some bushes. Maybe their mother will find them, but in any case, they seemed happier to be out in nature than under my clumsy care.
I’ve had moments of sadness this week, but there are too many great things happening, and I have too much going for me, and too much to offer the world – not to mention the right woman – that I’d have to purposefully make myself feel bad to stay that way. I know that all of my virtues, qualities, and talents have been cultivated and honed by the people I’ve met, and those I haven’t, so I have a lifetime’s worth of appreciation to appreciate.
The Tarot card that represents my theme of the week is the Page of Wands. I like this definition:
The Page of Wands in the past position represents you in the child stage. It can be a good version, full of the confidence and untarnished love that are represented by youth. It can be a bad version, spoiled rotten and expectant of getting anything you want through whining and throwing tantrums.
Page cards in the present position represent you starting life over again. The Page of Wands shows you with a new idea of taking control over your own destiny. It is a powerful card in the present position, a clean slate with momentum in your favor.
The future position is a positive place for the Page of Wands card. This shows that a bright future of new adventures and creative expression will be yours after the current trials pass on.
The child depicted as the Page of Wands has some obvious growing up to do, and yet he is quite happy with his awkward elegance. This card has a bit of pride in it, the type of pride that can blind you to present realities. Often, not knowing the severity of a situation helps you survive it. But by and large this card emphasizes that the creativity (represented by the wand) of youth (represented by the young page) will be yours to find a new manifestation of your psyche in the world.
All Wand cards are about creativity and its relationship to the world around you. Businessmen must be creative to stay ahead in a competitive world. Teachers must be creative in how they impart information to students. Parents must be creative when they raise a child. Of course artists must be creative, but one does not have to be in the arts to use the opportunity presented by a wand.
I’ve consulted the I Ching a lot during these changing times. Things are constantly changing, and part of self-improvement is being conscious of how things change, and learning to surf those changes.
I’ve also consulted the Tarot, and I’m going through Hermit, Death, and Tower experiences. I find myself exiled from a way of life I’d gotten used to, and the consolation is that I’m not to blame, and I get to begin again. I’m excited by the thought of a new beginning.
Most of all I’ve consulted myself, and I have a lot more appreciation of all the different parts of who I am.