We are all destined to realize our true self-worth, one way or the other. It’s not so much a calling as an inexorable pull. To the extent that we resist the pull of our true self, we are unhappy.
Letting go can be difficult because it can feel like a sacrifice. Sometimes we think we’re sacrificing, but we’re not. A true sacrifice usually has to do with the death of a dearly held belief, and most of us hate to be wrong.
It’s challenging to be unflinchingly honest with ourselves. There are so many ways we can be diverted from really getting to the heart of the matter. I continue to write, because this is my bastion of peace, and oasis of truth.
This post was a draft I saved three years ago and hadn’t looked at since. After re-reading it this morning, I thought it deserved to be published. I’m not even sure where I got the beautiful picture of the lions from (let me know and I’ll credit the photographer).
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This week, I wrote about living in good faith vs. self-deception. I practice living in good faith by being honest with myself, acknowledging what I’m thinking and feeling, writing down my thoughts and doing my best to clearly articulate them, rather than habitually passing judgment on myself, avoiding, suppressing, or running away from what I’m thinking and feeling. I believe this builds self-acceptance and self-trust, and it’s an ongoing process (as with most things that are important). If we lack integrity with ourselves, we will lack integrity with others.
Then I wrote about dealing with emotional flare ups, which is also part of living in good faith. I’ve been learning to accept that my emotions are a legitimate part of who I am, and that respecting them is important. Gentleness is a virtue, although this goes against certain ingrained habits I have that want to ignore or power through emotions I don’t like. This causes inner conflict, and I’d rather have inner peace. However, peace requires work and the courage to live in good faith.
When we practice self-honesty and self-acceptance, we can then move on to having self-empathy, which is a genuine ability to relate to ourselves as a true friend. All of this builds inner strength, which is needed in order to live on purpose.
My daily intention is to cut through all the BS (and there’s a lot of it) so that I’m aligned with my True Self, which is about being who I really am, and doing what I’m really here to do. That may sound like a serious way to live–and sometimes it is–but I think of it as being passionate, soulful, and truthful, which is, to me, a great way to live.
Rather than treating the symptoms, this year (the year of re-invention) is about finding the cure. In truth, I know what the cure is (and it’s not my cover of The Cure); it’s just a matter of taking the medicine. The healthy self is a confident self.*
I feel strongly about things, and I relate to the “feeler” types out there, but sometimes I admit that I get annoyed at our wishy-washyness (lack of backbone). It’s great to have deeply held values, but you have to stand up for them and that means – at times – standing up to others and standing up for yourself, especially when your happiness and peace of mind is at stake. As I sit here in my lovely apartment (that I worked for), I sometimes feel a disturbance in the Force; feelings of guilt and anxiety for doing my best and improving my life – and this being the year of re-invention – I choose to confront and ultimately transmute these energies.
I’ve got names for my bad guys:
- Asshole Judge
- Spilled Milk
- General Negativity
- Insecurity Blanket
- Infinite Sadness
- Inner Critic
- Depression Sinkhole
- Shameful Guilty Goblin
- Green Eyed Slime
- Fear Mongrel
I’m sick and tired of letting these inner demons run rampant. Feelings can help guide us, but only if we use them effectively. Their purpose is to allow us to express our true selves.
*The cure is to be happy, which requires being confident, and that means having confidence (trust) in yourself.
I was looking for the love of my mother, father, women, men, employers, and even strangers, but finally saw that the love I was seeking was my own. In my darkest hour, all I could say was “God loves me” over and over, and that turned out to be the truth. Self-hatred was such a burden; poisonous, dark and destructive.
So where am I now?
Well, the self-hatred is still there, sometimes, but I don’t think it’s real; no more real than self-love. I see that I can choose either one, and not blame; not give up my power. I can reclaim and remember my birthright.
I know who I truly am.
What came before is an interesting story, but it’s all just stories in the end.
My big realization today was that we have to want alignment (with our true self) more than we want anything else. That’s the only way I’ve found to overcome deep unhappiness. We have to want alignment more than anything else, because that’s where everything comes from.
More and more, I see that everything I experience comes from my alignment, and not from anything outside of me. The more I try to control external things, the more I lose my power. Wanting alignment is the same as wanting to be in your true power.
Being in alignment is being aligned with the universe. I no longer wish to give my power away. I choose to be in alignment with my True Self.
Happy New Year!
2017 is the beginning of a new chapter in our story. For me, it’s all about relaxing and going with the flow. It’s an eternal cycle, y’know.
Sometimes in life, for whatever reason, we go through challenges and difficulties, and need to push ourselves in order to break free and grow, but once we’re free, a whole new world of adventure awaits. It’s a great big universe out there.
I’m happy to see that more and more people are discovering and expressing their true selves. Let’s make 2017 the year we live our truth.
I cleaned up part of the shop; a small yet vital task. It felt like the right thing to do. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m good at improving things.
My belief is that whenever I want to blame (or give credit or power to) something outside of myself, it’s because I want to express something about who I truly am, but for the time being, I don’t know how, and that’s frustrating. So it’s a matter of figuring out who I am, and being it. When you can sincerely say that you don’t mind what people think of you (because you’d rather be happy than accepted), then life becomes real (fun).
I know that I’ve done the right thing in the past, and I’m doing the right thing now, because that’s important. I know when something feels right to me, or when it doesn’t sit right with me. I’m choosing to trust my Inner Guidance.