Attracting Like-Hearted People

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I’ve just had a realization about most of the relationships I’ve experienced so far, and why I’ve often struggled with them. I’m deeply honest and sincere, and while that may seem like a virtue, in many relationships (that I’ve experienced) that’s actually something people are afraid of. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong for me to be sincere, but that I’m just not around like-minded (or ‘like-hearted’) people.

For example, I understand that people are going to be self-interested; I believe in that, actually. However, let’s say someone in a (romantic) relationship with me says they would be happier by ending the relationship–I genuinely support that–but what I don’t support is not being honest and up-front about it, and basically making me the bad guy in order to have an excuse to break up. Or maybe someone is talking about improving their life in some way; I wholeheartedly care and want them to do it, and I want to support them in whatever way I’m able to.

What I don’t like (or understand) is when I’m talking about improving my life–or being honest and sincere with someone–and I’m met with disinterest, falseness, or even passive-aggressiveness. Because I very much want to get along with people, I used to contort myself in all sorts of ways that ultimately left me feeling depressed. Now, instead of beating up and betraying myself, I choose to stand by my values and attract people who value the same things as I do.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

Having Boundaries

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I’ve got my trusty mariner’s compass amulet (which is actually a defunct refrigerator magnet) by my side. I’m still “recovering”, you could say, from yesterday’s publication of my audio journal. It happened rather spontaneously, and shifted me emotionally. I couldn’t say those things and share it with the world if I wasn’t ready to change.

Strengthening Boundaries

It’s important for me to think about personal boundaries, and enforce them. I have to do that for myself. There’s a feeling of guilt when I do, but that’s a weakness that I want to strengthen. Not all ego is bad, but a weak ego is, in fact, a weakness, and weaknesses get exploited.

My weakness is in having and preserving personal boundaries. I respect other people’s boundaries and my own. I think it can be a win-win, but from now on I won’t be on the losing end of having boundaries.

Physical Boundaries

These boundaries are mostly internal, but they’re also physical, too. I think physically you can be flexible, because we all share this world, but use common sense.

It’s good to earn and have money so you don’t owe people financially, or feel like you have to weaken your physical boundaries because of money. With money, you can take up space in the world. Again, use common sense, but don’t be intimidated, either.

Emotional Boundaries

There are also emotional boundaries. You can’t let your good feelings be based upon external conditions, or you’ll be a slave to those conditions. You can cultivate and appreciate external things, but never let your happiness be based upon them.

I’m actually OK with not needing to have a lot of possessions, although I’m moving towards manifesting more physical things and situations that I enjoy. However, I can get attached to relationships, or to people’s good opinions, and much of my self-improvement is about unhooking from external validation.

Mental Boundaries

Mental boundaries are your principles, beliefs, and values. Deep down, you know what you’re about, and you know how to think for yourself, so you need to do that.

Think for yourself! Don’t let others tell you what to think about anything. Observe and find out for yourself. Figure yourself out. Define who you are.

Some people will try to control you with words, comments, opinions, and facts. You need to have your own repertoire of words, comments, opinions, and facts.

Nobody knows it all, and if someone acts like they do, don’t believe them. Learn from those who have ideas that resonate with your whole self.

Spiritual Boundaries

Speaking of self (which is what I consider the True Self), your spiritual boundaries are sacred and impervious to harm.

Don’t ever let anything get in the way of you and your True Self. Your True Self is the God within you, a part of the Source of all that is.

Without this connection, there will always be someone who thinks they’re more powerful than you, or that you owe them something, but if you know that you have a direct connection to your Source, you are invincible.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

Being Authentic and Taking Care

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I love authentic people, and living authentically is probably my highest value in life. When I love people, it’s about as authentic as humanly possible. With that said, one of my biggest lessons is that it’s not my job to save people.

When you’re authentic, your life becomes great, and not everyone is going to be comfortable with that. Sometimes you compromise yourself, but that’s not something you can keep up and be happy. I’ve had to let go and let God many times.

For idealistic people, burnout is a real danger. Our minds give us energy, but our body needs to rest and have real food, not just ideas. We need to take care of ourselves.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

Being Confident

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Rather than treating the symptoms, this year (the year of re-invention) is about finding the cure. In truth, I know what the cure is (and it’s not my cover of The Cure); it’s just a matter of taking the medicine. The healthy self is a confident self.*

Transmutation

I feel strongly about things, and I relate to the “feeler” types out there, but sometimes I admit that I get annoyed at our wishy-washyness (lack of backbone). It’s great to have deeply held values, but you have to stand up for them and that meansย  – at times – standing up to others and standing up for yourself, especially when your happiness and peace of mind is at stake. As I sit here in my lovely apartment (that I worked for), I sometimes feel a disturbance in the Force; feelings of guilt and anxiety for doing my best and improving my life – and this being the year of re-invention – I choose to confront and ultimately transmute these energies.

Naming Names

I’ve got names for my bad guys:

  • Blamer
  • Asshole Judge
  • Spilled Milk
  • General Negativity
  • Insecurity Blanket
  • Infinite Sadness
  • Inner Critic
  • Depression Sinkhole
  • Shameful Guilty Goblin
  • Green Eyed Slime
  • Your-so-angry
  • Fear Mongrel

I’m sick and tired of letting these inner demons run rampant. Feelings can help guide us, but only if we use them effectively. Their purpose is to allow us to express our true selves.

Sincerely,

G.B.M.

*The cure is to be happy, which requires being confident, and that means having confidence (trust) in yourself.

Having a Day Job

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Having a day (or night) job was something I used to think I wouldn’t like, but as it turns out, I actually do like it, and it’s helpful in more ways than just providing a steady paycheck. A day job–especially manual labor–has helped me become more physically and mentally fit. It’s also gotten my creative juices flowing.

Self-reliance

Now, I’m not recommending that everyone go out and get a day job, but for me it’s the right thing to do (at least for now). One of my top three values is being self-reliant, and that’s what I use as my inner compass, to guide my way. However, even with a day job it’s important to remain adaptable and flexible; agile.

Vocation

My vocation is to paint pictures, write stories, and play music. If a day job helps me to follow my calling in life, then it’s part of my vocation. I believe that I’ll be able to support myself through my calling one day, but who knows, I may still want to have a day job, anyway.

G.B.M.

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Having Personal Space

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I got home from work last night and saw that my mom had taken out the trash in “my room.” I’m moving into my own place in a week, so I’m not too bothered by anything that happens while I’m staying with her. I’m actually quite appreciative and grateful, but I also felt like my personal space and privacy had been violated.

This incident affected my mood as I woke up this morning. After doing some daily self-improvement habits, I felt better and made peace – not with my mom – but with myself. Being clear about my values helped me to resolve inner conflict.

  • Having a sense of purpose allowed me to put things into perspective (I’ve got bigger things to focus on).
  • Being resilient helped me to improve my mood after (almost) waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
  • Being self-reliant lets me know that I can work on having my own personal space (physically and emotionally).

How have you benefited from being clear about your most important values?

~ GBM

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Re-clarifying Values

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A couple of years ago, I posted about finding your top three values in life. I did the exercise again this morning, and came up with a somewhat different list of my top three values. My (current) top three values are:

  1. Having a sense of purpose
  2. Being resilient and able to bounce back from setbacks
  3. Being self-reliant

What are your top three values in life?

~ GBM

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